Book of Deeds Vol. 211

3/23/13 FRI 8:15

Cold, very

Ncaa basketball tournament

Dad and chris left for Fayette Jude to school and I left in afternoon and spent rest of day w/ chores, unpacking, tv, etc., jude phoned following school

Sleep living in the wow – seeing what circumstances are next

Pressure, tests, clinic, bravery and courage

Tired, tad frustrated

Hyperfocusing on ne

Orderliness

Note of thanks to jude

Ride tomorrow out, live in the wow

3/23/13 SAT 11:45

Cold p/s

Ncaa tourni

I went out to dinner with tom and his family, went to saa all day, homework and classwork late

What’s next, esp in Joaquin Phoenix’s career, may be the finest American actor living today

Joaquin Pheonix’s condition, sobriety for him seems doubtful, ryan, al and andy’s health – my health, my kidney balance

Very fine

I am energized, I like family life especially early to preadolescent life and it’s teaching me lessons

Dinner w/ tom and his family

Compliments to tom’s family

Recommend king of California to tom, lymph node pts for Norman, letters to tom and his family, vester, Joshua, norva,

4/1/13 MON 10:20

Sl. Right, drizzle, p/s besides

Ncaa final four set, compound leg fracture one Louisville player

I was transported back to Montclair by chris, jude is mailing my things I forgot to bring followed up on job opp’s

Getting my things, women, living in the wow, rest qigong

My endurance, commitment and discipline, my fear and cowardice

Bit like a coward, like a survivalist

I am finally acknowledging how I honestly feel about myself

Chris’s help dad’s help

Held the door, gave the gift of my listening

Leslie’s cash, sj review, A&P, review, if possible

4/3/13 WED 1:45

Cold, p/s

Notre dame in final four (w)

No news from family. I studied and went to class made inquiries into jobs AC conference details

Ac trip

Ac trip – chris’s decision, lustig

Bloated, feel tired

I have no confidence in what I’m saying

Dr. zheng’s stories

Gave the gift of my listening

Lookover a&p II notes

4/4/13 THURS 12:00

Cold/ p/s, very sunny very windy

Mark Cuban insinuates woman ncaa player could play in nba

Called jude about marriot rewards and suggested got reply about going to AC, Jude approved talked shortly with Jude

Getting some errands done, finish the calls

Saa, five element skills for conference

Good

Adaptation had a nice message about love

Osgood slaughter comment and response class had, dinner with mike

Gave chris a chance to stay in AC

Errands

4/4/13 THURS 11:00

p/s brisk

Rutgers men’s bball coach fired for physical and mental abuse of players

No word from family, I did errands during the day

Women, moving, the future, trip to Peru

My obsession w/ a trip to Peru and fixation on tobacco

Tired, wanting of sleep

Sleeping on table may not be the most restful sleep, perhaps the group and w/ stronger pillows

Trying out table for nap, seeing neighbor, trip through herb garden

Booked hotel for chris and i

Email jennum, check for help wanted signs – Sunday and Monday – buy paper tomorrow

4/5/13 FRI 11:05

Very nice mid-50’s, 60s

On sale former home of Russian spies

No word from family, pat called w/ news about hearing time being converted to work release

Moving forward w/ paper and reviewing for comps doing well on comps, meditation qigong

The amount of ink in my pen, my lack of romantic love, nostalgic dreams

Lustful and low energy

I am lustful at certain junctures

Sleep, pat calling, being called sir

Gave boy the chance at a tennis ball

Push through saa course.

4/7/13 SUN 12:45

Cold, sunny

Final 4, ncaa championship will be Louisville and Michigan

Email from jude this morning regarding accentuating the positive I skipped my saa course to opt to take it third year

Women, sleep, sun, Monday and Tuesday – what time I’ll spend those days

Getting up for tai chi

Well, psyched, nervous, wary, tentative expectant

I am expectant

Tom – def. dinner with tom

Payed for dinner tonight – Joshua

Groceries/work on those names norva and vester, note that jess told me the only hat she wore without fussing is your cap and hand letter to tom.

4/8/13 MON 2:00

Spring time warm, brisk

Double header in NBA

Called jude tonight

Meditation

My responsibilities at A.C. conference

Scared and wired, worried

I am avoidant

Saying hi to people

Gave the gift of my presence.

Think about garden plans, 5 element

4/9/13 TUES 12:45

Warm, sunny

Anniversary of Kurt Cobain’s death current runs “Kurt & Courtney”

No news from family or friends I did very little ended up taking a walk at halftime of championship game

Immortal qigong, diagnosis in theory and applying knowledge

How much info I’ve retained, my skills and my knowledge being tested

Unsure, guilty somewhat, indecisive, fearful, stuck-like

I feel a bit stuck

Albrecht

n/a

see what you can do – clean too

4/10/13 WED 1:15

Summery

Conn. Women win ncaa chmpnship

Word from jude regarding checques and precautions I attended errands and went to class in the afternoon

Immortal qigong peru plans, learning more about ayahuasca – perhaps getting a commission to help herbal and acupuncture students interested in sacha runa, etc.

My skills as an acupuncturist, retaining info, application of skills on the fly without books

Well, st. upset slight

I really am embracing each day and living it to the fullest

Young Victoria

Gave people the gift of my presence

Finish letter and mopping, laundry, review

4/10/13 WED 10:30

Rainy, t-storm

n/a

chris came to stay the night before out AC trip. Had A&P II tonight and pizza late at nauna bella’s with chris

AC seeing some of the sights

The drive

Ok

n/a

dinner with

dinner with chris

drive, print directions

4/11/13 THURS 10:10

Foggy, spritzy, windy, cold

Snowstorm hits west

Word from jude and emailed her back. I spent the day at neaahp conference booth at revels. Dinner at hard rock café

Girls (Verona), turtleback zoo job

Turtleback zoo – and getting there

Good

About Kelly and Erika

Kelly and Erika, jesse joyce of axis comedy club, gotham comedy live

Dinner w/Chris

Call and organize w/ turtleback zoo about job

4/13/13 FRI 10:20

Cold, rainy, foggy

Suicide, kidnap, bullying, n. korea

Chris and I drove back from Atlantic City to Montclair and I unloaded, worked on taxes

Peru, imoortal qigong benefits

Getting up for tai qi

Tired and prepared for robin

I am judging robin instead of accepting her for who she is

Drive back, chores, rest right now

Wrote ryan, thanked jess

No picking at skin and no fidgeting, mail tax form and letter to noeckers

4/14/13 SUN 12:15

Cool, sunny, brisk, more than anything

Kobe Bryant had surgery on torn Achilles heel

Word from jude regarding nyc trip and email from dad wondering about working at turtleback

Making some money

Job responsibility and security, anything I can do to prepare

Anxious, not looking forward to the long day

Spermatorrhea stops me in my tracks

Meals

n/a

make a list

4/15/ MON 12:00

Warm, nice temp

n/a

email exchanges w/ jude and dad, went to class all day and then called jude about expenses

to-do list, immortal qigong, chicks

love life, program progress

tired, bit incapacitated and worried, lonesome, desirous

I desire company

Deanna and tom – conversation and exchanges, Mitchell asking how I was, finishing tai chi and 1 more until completion

Letters, give gift of my presence

To-do list

4/15/13 MON 10:15

Brisk, but warm

Kobe Bryant out 6-9 months w/ Achilles tear

Word from jude thanking me for rundown of expenses

Starting to make money

Putting socking some away

Rage and anger towards noise of my neighbors

Tired, bloated, sore, acquiescent

Shortcuts are a loophole through fear

n/a

gave gift of my presence

give long, hard look to GB

4/17/13 WED 1:30

Warm, tropical

Boston bombing at marathon

No word from Jude besides short email

Immortal qigong, women

Turtleback calling/not callin for position

Overheated, worried, apprehensive lonely

Opportunities to introduce myself to women is slim to none

Dinner, naps

n/a

do study for A&P II and event. Lookover liver.

  

  

Modern Herbalism from an American Perspective

Chinese herbalists will continue to know nothing about world herbology until they experience ayahuasca in the Amazonian rainforest. It calls to mind the Purgation School in TCM history and even the emetics used in herbalism. More research is needed for anything in Chinese Herbalism that even comes close to ayahuasca.
I used this as a pretext of my argument because I believe in it's worth as a healing plant. No plant evokes words such as healing and cure like ayahuasca does. Is there any plant like it in the world? Worrisome to think about the eradication of the rainforests and the threat it poses to ayahuasca cultivation. It's approved for religious ceremonies in the U.S. I am just as skeptical if not more skeptical about social media laying claim to any experiential data. It will continue to be Jennifer Aniston on a tree threatening to jump if modern culture accepts that as the way they view the plant.
Time to make a bucket list of Chinese herbs I've used prior to Herbal classes: Saffron, White Arsenicum Sulphidum, Myristica Fragrans (Nutmeg), Caryophyllus Aromaticus (Clove), Orchid Mascula (Purple Orchid), Pongamia Glabra, Ashphaltum Punabinum (Shilajit), Asparagus Adscendens (Asparagus), Ouosma Bracteatum (Onosma), Cinnamomum Cassia (Chinese Cinnamon), Balsamodendron Mukul (Guggul), Zingiber Officinale (Ginger), Strichnos Nuxvomica, Terminalia Chebula, Withania Somnifera (Ginseng), Asparagus Racemosus.

Book of Deeds Vol. 210

2/27/13 WED 11:15

Cold, balmy, overcast, rain early

Snow in parts of NE

No word from family except short FB message. I slept in & attended A&P II called it an early night no exercises

Starting immortal qi gong for something soon - fall maybe, exercises for now, working at zoo

Making calls for jobs

Sound, tired, depressed somewhat & desirous

I am desirous

Norm, jess’s comment, knowing mom is happy

I gave the gift of my listening

Clean, groceries, bank, ironing, etc.

2/29/13 FRI 1:45

Cold, overcast, slt. Rain

n/a

word from Jess, that Madelynn likes the blanket. I caught up on chores today

exercises, esp. immortal, learning more about acupuncture

crunch time, pressure, under boss’s supervision, neighbors affecting my psyche, enduring Sunday

strong, aware, ready for calls

I am still displaying avoidant behavior

Pic of madelynn w/ blanket

Gave the gift of my listening

Call all on the list, deliver, resume to sda – soccer domain

2/30/13 FRI 1:15

Cold, not too bad, very dark and cloudy

n/a

no news from family I emailed when I got up mailed jury summons paper worked in studying after tennis and quit early, napped early evening

exercises – maybe getting my notes copied for Sunday, finishing studying bl channel

this neighbors’ affect on my psyche

resentful, enraged, immasculating, cold and worried

I spent the entire night feeling hatred towards my new neighbor and it can’t be healthy

The girls above me have been very respectful and that makes me happy

I emailed jude and gave the gift of my presence

Finish 5 element homework and lookover bl channel

3/2/13 SAT 11:00

Cold, a few flurries

n/a

no news from family – I emailed to find out electricity co acct. # spent day studying and filling out homework

exercises, immortal qi gong, mt tomorrow, getting/retrieving notes, finishing clinic hours – writing girls a thank you note, I think I discovered my causative factor – same as brian jones

neighbors – encountering mike or meg, loudness, parties, smoking on the deck, confrontation

confused, avoidant, ambivalent, depersonalization

I can avoid interacting with neighbors

Sleeping in, finishing a large chunk of homework

Gave others the gift of my presence

Hand in papers – maybe after studying pts on bladder – maybe look at the reasoning behind some of the pts used in and out of clinic

3/4/13 MON 1:45

Cold as hades

n/a

jude arrived back in the Poconos & said goodbye to jess and dan and maddy today. She sent and dad sent my electric, account #. I attended mt II today and attended #5 for ½ hr.

possibly getting a job w/ parks and recreation or the soccer dome/ exercises and immortal exercises

15 years out of the game

Awake sore thumb/pain, ready to stay up all night

I cannot overdo it w/ acupuncture study and it can be done – the project

Mike, norm, alla, Deanna, erin, ryan

Dunno

Send in resume, make calls, call Dr. V. & mail application

Cold as #*(t

Dredging starts approved for Edgemont memorial park

Talked w/ jude tonight when to observation this evening and was treated

Sleeping & spec. restoring

Bl quiz, Kelly/ michelle

Tired

I like the clinic setting – maybe opportunistic to join forces w/ 1 or 2 acupuncture to confer to

Gave the gift of my presence

Write letters and pet letter to mr. mangili & Maureen wenk, thank you letter – starting off please accept my thank you

3/6/13 WED 4:02

Crisp, spring weather

Dow hits high, elephants endangered species article

No news from jess except for her to wish me good morning and inform me how long she’ll be out of work – 3-6 months

Being an uncle to madelynn, Lac, mom or whatever the Bradley john Hartzler, B.A. Lit, Mom.

OCD, varicocele

Just awake as hell, very good

Acupuncture and coffee beans and guarano seeds = up all night

Energy level and joking with everyone

Gave the gift of my presence

Plan a spring break – get together, figure out positioning of back shu points

3/6/13 WED 11:00

Rain/now potential torrential

Storm news

No word from any family

Exercises, esp. immortal qigong exercises

Nothing, losing my breath, maybe

Old @ times, young some respects

Acupuncture can have a lingering effect

Convo, ryan,  energy, roxy music

Gave the gift of my presence

Go on your best judgement

3/9/13 SAT 12:50

Snowy – 3 in.

Snow, pictures of snow

Called Chris this afternoon, morning about sending tape of h.s. soccer video – after meeting w/Anthony and Ashley Hammond and got them to allow me 20 minutes for a training session. I did the shoveling and errands, brainstormed ideas, saw Kate

Getting opr. To do this, news hobs

Nervousness

Sound

Accusations really affect me deeply

Kate mcdunnough

Gave the gift of my presence

Write up a good plan

3/1/13 SAT 11:00

Sunny, fair, warmish

Hugo chavez died

Jude called at hoon about checking acct. deposit. I attended qi gong and part of acupuncture along with tom, came home, ate lunch, rested, tea, dinner w/ tom, grocery shopping, dessert

Waking up and living in the wow

Stress is unmanageable, no soreness, the strength and influence of my training session

Very good, full

I have doubts about what I can offer the staff of sda

Tom – dinner with family

Gave tom some herbs

Make a training session that’s fun for you – that you can get something out of (besides just what they think about it)

3/11/13 MON 2:15

Sunny, partly warm

n/a

called Jude tnight and messaged and exchanged pleasantries w/ jess, attended observation and treatment w/ leslie, esatm alum, late eve nap

recovering and discovering pts good for varicocele fr. Classmates

my lower back and digestive issues

improved

leslie is a gifted acupuncturist, tom and I are going to have a reputation as badasses

leslie has a great spiriti and a healing touch

I helped Tom rationalize the circumstances he found himself in yesterday

Keep your training session simple, have heart (speak from the heart and have purpose behind your lesson

3/12/13 TUES 12:15

Cool, balmy, p/c

Program to help Montclair workers manage stress

No news from family. I worked on errands and stopped into sda, organized notes, late eve nap

How living in the wow has improved my outlook

Fear and pressure of training exercises – make spa more multimedia – fox soccer channel, café, bright lights – sell merchandise, t-shirts

Tired

I’m thinking in terms of Chinese medicine

My training exercise ideas

Offered used lacrosse ball, my shoes

Speak from the heart, coffee

3/13/13 WED 2:38 a.m.

Partly sunny

19^th straight heat win, no big east championships

Contact jude during dinner w/ the Paughs’ and she called, later, brf message exchange w/ jess I attended classes today and played pickup @ sda soccer dome

Exercises, acupuncture in the future – money I received

Fear of looking for jobs

Wired

I’m hooked on caffeine again

Sharing coffee and response I got from people

Shared coffee w/ everyone

Pick up coffee mugs, stick to the list

3/13/13 WED 8:30

Cool, balmy, sunny, parta day

Kurdt cobain’s death anniversary approaching

Picked up height chair for someone as gift dropped off message and referrals to sd, checked up if I could exchange shoes w/ soccer store, had tea with norm and went to first ½ of A&P II, ate dinner and called it an early night due to tireness, headache and muscle ache

My health, my stamina

Guilt of missing, classes, my emotional state and stress level, my frame of mind, fear of looking for ajob

Sore tight, constipated, tired, crabby, antisocial

I expect what’s going to happen before I live it

Norm inviting me to tea

Bought Jess a height chair

Catch up on rest and continue w/ job search

3/14/13 THURS 8;30

Cold then mild

Not really much news

Brief messages exchanged w/ jess words/message exchanged w/ dad pertaining to stocking h.s. I ran errands

Immortality exercises, next treatment, spring brk.

Grades always

Itchy, expectant

I am always trying to heal myself, solve my issues

Thankless job thought, tennis, morning (refreshed), coffee co avocado burrito

Lacross ball, message to jess

Nothing as of yet

3/13/13 SAT 12:10

Cold, b/c

No news

No word from anyone in family I ran errands, ate a deli on watchung, finished clinic manual, organized boobs, tidied up, played tennis, napped, showered, shopped, dinnered and went to bed at midnight

Interesting projects, designs, ayahuasca and herbs

Skill as an acupuncturist, my development

Alright, tired a bit, living in the wow

I curse (or curse at) anyone who startles me and I absolutely despise New Jersey drivers

Cheesesteak, organizing, staring @ nature, squirrels and birds

Classified in – check the paper

3/16/13 SAT 9:17 p.m.

Flurries most of the day

n/a

Jude in Columbia, MD w/ jess and dan babysitting. I ran some errands and did chores, fiddled w/ phone, cursed the day the girls upstairs began frustrating my emotions

Immortal qigong, finishing tc, finishing this stuff, getting cats, spring break, Susie time, easter w/ family

Anxiety, fear, miondset – depression

Little more depressed than usual snow hampers my ability to enjoy nature – negative, moody, irritated, belligerent

I’m belligerent in the presence of the girls

Just keeping a good frame of mind and that carrying a good frame of mind will guide you through confusing sutiations – in the other hand, a drugged state of mind results in the opposite = plummet into the depths of despair

Held the door for woman going into cvs talked w/ woman at cvs, talked with jude

Concentrate and live in the wow

3/17/13 SUN 11:00

Cold, very

n/a

no news, I attended class all day, late grocery shoping after pre-dusk tennis session

exercises, sleep, learned stuff, grades

quiz Tuesday, both

confident, fulfilled, jumping ahead to break

I can be clutch under pressure

Test results

Complemented woman,

Copy and record journal entries, letter, review

3/18/13 MON 11:39

Cold, real cold

No news, storm I spose

No word from family or friends

Living in the wow

Quiz tom

Anxious, dreading studying, avoidant

I thought I had a pretty good handle on studying for these quizzes but maybe not

Studying, squirrel, tennis

Didn’t see anyone to really brighten – forks and spoons – for esatm

Print more sheets, study, avoid cramming

3/20/13 WED 12:00

Rainy and p/s

N/a

Called jude to ask about easter studied all morning and afternoon and had class all eve.

Keeping up this immersion

My fear and procrastination in my job search

Sore nose, full and a bit chilly, overdone

I overdid it w/ the movie watching

Quiz results, shelia’s, living in the wow

n/a, gave gift of my presence live in the wow, print – journal pages, copy, journal

3/21/13 THURS 12:24

Cold p/s

7 K looted in Jewelry from valley rd. home in Montclair

Studied for a few hours and attended class in the evening, chris shuttled me home

Sleeping, braces out

Getting up

Tired

n/a

Susie

n/a

n/a

2/21/13 THURS 12:40

Cold as hell

n/a

no news from my family, I went to student clinic early, came back ate lunch and napped, went to a&P II

exercises and time off to go to Maryland and possible appt. @ muih – destroying the girls above me

anger, noise upstairs as a distraction, finding a job

bloated, dig. And gastr. Problems, mad as a hornet mentally checked out irritated beyond belief

there seems to be no end to my frustration towards the girls upstairs

thank you from patients thank you from interns

I helped out and gave the gift of my presence, my listening, my benefit

Finish call list, take over a copy of my resume to sda for Ashley Hammond address to who’s its – chores and study student manual

2/22/13 FRIDAY

Cold as hell frigid temps

n/a – Montclair reports inappropr. Relationship btw teacher (woman) and 15 yr. old boy

Jude called tonight

I rested a day of rest today

Jess and visiting her for the birth – getting things cleaned

Getting everything done I say I’m gonna get done anger and hatred towards the girls above me

Constipated, lack of confidence

I’m still avoidant

Argo’s ending

Talking with jude

Get chores done

2/22/13 FRI 8:10 p.m.

Cold, p/c

Local high schools off for winter/skiing vacation ends today back to school Monday

No word from family. I lazed the day away, did some household chores, skipped internal exercises for (opted for sleep)

Exercises – getting some of this acupuncture stuff down cold

My skill level in acupuncture, fear, lassitude isolating and laziness, putting calls off procrastination and white lying – it’s lying

Bloated and constipated, lazy

I dunno what listless means

Just being able to take it easy

n/a

scrub my kitchen bathroom, dust the house

2/24/13/ SUN 1:15

Rainy

n/a

exercises, a degree and master’s in acupuncture Pittsburgh practice

consequences to missing today, not really I can make em up

ok, stimulated and afraid of tomorrow, afraid but prepared for Monday

I am a chickensh_t

The raven, no noise tonight from the girls

n/a

scrub bathroom, put away laundry, sweep and iron

2/25/13 MON 9:50

Cold, not too bad

Oscars results, Jennifer Lawrence best actress

We visited jess early afternoon to evening then ate at Jason’s deli

Getting some work done on acupuncture studies, exercises, training

Call list, sleeping in, avoidant behavior

Emptied, GI’ally sound, weak and tired and sore neck

I’m a bad decision maker – so that’s a gb issue

Madelynn ruth noecker, dinner relaxing, learning

Held the door and the to-go cartons, gave the gift of my presence, my listening

Send letter to bob duggan

2/27/13 WED 3:15

Cold, rainy windy

Snow in black hills, plains region of U.S. and blizzard

Woke up early to go visit jess at Mercy hospital in Baltimore – to see MRN drove back to 121 park, unloaded had lunch at smash burger, came back and rested head – headache

Exercises – immortal qigong – finishing homework and observations and treatments in and out of class

Making up hrs., job, relationships, muih, progress, lustig, test tomorrow

Soreness in wrist and fingers, all there, worried and lack of confidence

I am lazy – compared to most and fatigued easily – I am trying to live up to other people’s standards of what I’m supposed to be

Lunch was good, good news about electric – financial assistance, check and card from jude, seeing her happy

Said happy birthday, complimented ryan

Get project description, sign up late Monday shift, call about switching braces date   

2/17/13 SUN 11:05
cold as shit, high wind, bitter
I skipped 5 Element, needed a day off - I worked on publishing my journal and errands to the library, returned a wallet and grocery store. evening ended w/ meeting, exercise and workaholics
exercises muih, new apartment, job potential
my window of opportunity to get a job, my anger for the girls upsetting me - invading my daily life
cold and secure in my future, insecure and unknown to me is my near future
I am going to have to live in the present and the near future
getting thank you from girl i returned the wallet to
returned a wallet
get up and stay for clinic at all costs

2/19/13 TUES 12:20
cold - real cold
montclair patch posted news via email I didn't read
word from dad regarding electric bill "reading - I couldn't find out location. I had observation all day and came home had tofu soup organized folders and watched bucky larson and qi gong and bed
my future as an acupuncturist, pittsburgh, maryland university of integrative health
getting my acupuncture treatment or herbal consulation in during midst of Jess' pregnancy
sniffly, ok, optimistic, fearful
I've got to quit judging my progress on the basis of comparison and I've got to write down more in my journals - use Jude's journal - use Jude's journal she gave me I should make more mistakes
thank you's, letitia's thank you, convos, lunch, the whole experience was awesome.
gae the gift of my listening
look over things - read through contact phone list, compose, start composing resume draft think of what you want your practice to look like, get information on masters in acupuncture and majors in herbal medicine, acupuncture from MUIH email Jennum

2/19/13 TUES 10:10
cold, rainy and foggy, low lying clouds
not watch the news today
email from dad regarding and reiterating location of meter, letter (email) from jude
exercises, baby, a break from classes - working distraction from my depression - money and savings
anger, irritation towards girls - their noise, mike parked outside, the meter location, bl channel, getting nere to make phone calls
back feels nice but i'm tired
I am not the most ambitious and not good when it's crunch time
palpitation was like a treatment prospect of tomorrow in clinic
treatment on ryan, gave my presence
just be present for all that happens and try to get in some rest before, check off name from list in january

1/25/13 FRI 12:30
cold-bitter
N/A
No news from Jude. I emailed them this morning. I wrote letters, bought a tennis ball pack, played tennis, put out copes of referrals for Montclair H.S. students
possibly, getting some referrals used by montclair h.s. students, HC on Sunday
papers blowing away, kids taking one but not using it, having to do speaking engagement, job searches and getting up the nerve to call people
timid, bored, uninterested
I got bored by the end of the day, I don't like being overweight - known this for a long time
cont'd progress with internal exercises, moxabustion use
N/A - hopefuly got someone to follow through with Acupuncture treatment
finish letters and make telephone number list of brainstorm (email/fax also)

1/26/13 SAT 1:40
cold, lt. snow
super bowl media day
talked with Jude regarding Dr. Seely's death and ()'s rehav trip. I worked on letters, napped late in the evening, wrote out letter to ().
Herbal concepts, women, job, something, anything to rid me of boredom
gusto to deal with calling about a job
ok
I learned I have a long way to go with my recovery efforts
fresh air, up early
n/a
qi gong and make a list (another)

1/27/13 SUN 12:15
cold-bitter, dry, sunny
NADA
Jude, flipped her car this morning, had some bumps and bruises. I messaged Jess. I informed Jude I'd like to use the car for a job fair and trip to columbia, md
columbia trip, women, relationships with multiple women
tests, comps, lustig, Jude's health after the accident, Jess's health, getting up staying awake for HC tomorrow
ok
I enjoyed getting up early and taking a nap in the afternoon
Jude is alright
lighten mood with Jude
stay awake - calisthenics

1/27/13 SUN 8:25
cold, sunny
teams to arrive @ new orleans tonight
jude contacted me and sent me patrick pio's info. I went to Herbal Concepts this morning and ate dinner after class and mailed letter to PAT and Mangili
getting some rest - I have to wait and see about jiao gu lan and moxa order correctness - time off to get my stuff together - maybe schedule a treatment or an observation, Jess's visit
job search, transportation, may have to borrow for interviewing - maybe rent-a-car
tired but aware
well to do good deeds. Even if you spend 10 years being charitable to others, you should not expect anything in return
James' thank you, Herbal concepts, the morning, tennis, Jude's email
helping james, email to Jude, mail to patrick
look into noise machine purchase

1/28/13 MON 8:30
cold, wet, drizzly, misty
nfl teams both arrive in new orleans, media day1
Jude woke up early worrying about after effects - I emailed her the latest developments. I contacted Kate regarding a potential job boxing books
waking early, checking off my list of potential employers/networking associated
anger, bitterness, and loathesomeness of the girls for their inconsiderate behavior
mad, fatigued, bloated, holding up well
i stopped a potential nocturnal emission
kate's email, my accomplishments
just talked
organize, call and network, take notes

1/3012 WED 12:00
springy
nfl superbowl media day, ray lewis implicated in deer antler banned substances ingredient
jess is to deliver soon - jude still recovering from accident, called tonight, I called this morning to see how she was doing. I put notes into the table of contents today
Jess's baby and the reponsibility that comes w/ it, maybe starting a savings bond for her child
if jess has more than one child - what savings bonds then
a bit immature resentful towards my parents for assuming I should follow suit
I am not ready for children, the responsibility of a family
knowing Jess is that far along
free google.com/books for everyone
bring resume and break down job experiencew / the parties at the booths

1/31/13 THURS 1:15
rainin' to beat the band
deer antler substance linkage w/ ray lewis' triceps detachment recovery
went to lunch with chris when he arrived at noon, took his car to turtleback zoo job fair, came home to the poconos, settled in during eveningb
going to jess's, getting 5-element observation going to tyler's b-day
beer and peer pressure to drink at ()'s, how to politely rise above the influence
sound, tired, bit scatterbrained and frazzled with stress of mother and father dynamic
mothers and fathers truly never see their children as a whole person - they are just the little one they gave birth to
susie - playing
send text to kara mia of gifts
vaccine, lookover notes, bathe, plan

131/13 THURS 11:15
cold and windy as hell
tornadoes, windy, high winds, snow possible this week
i got two baby innoculations (standard), picked up jude's rental car w/ day and joined jess in columbia, went out to eat dinner with jess
my consultation at tai sophia
printouts & time frame tomorrow
tired and const., well enough energy for 3 more miles
driving is stressful
jess's laugh, feeling the kick
presents, fish, politely letting cars in
intake form, lookover notes, gas, buy takeout tomorrow

2/1/12 FRI 9:15
cold
beyonce lip synched anthem, car stolen from heating-up car in montclair, supwerbowl harbaugh bros interview
i filled out 5 element intake form, went to appointment with jennum, got lost coming back to jess', waited for word about event-discount, ate trout and crabcakes, ice cream, lindt, watched moonrise kingdom
tomorrow's event, getting back to susie, learning points at intake and incorporating importance of 5-Element intake
pathologies, diseases, point combinations and point application, knowledge of disease, difficult problem mangagment
itchy bloated, uncomfortable around others, confident, charming belittled and insignificant (antithesis of self-sufficient dependency w/ guilt)
700 islands in bahamas, 30 inhabited, the importance of covering the whole gamut of personal questions, reiterating that "it doesn't leave the room
Intake, sophia skills, jennum ohara, thinking about susie, joking, Pat phone convo
trout, dishes
bring lunch to event

2/3/13 SAT 10:35
cold, snowy, little accumulation
snow storms and high winds and tornadoes, precipitation generally
I had breakfast and conversation with jude and dan this morning, attended seminar w/ dianne connelly and bob duggan
applying some of what i've learned at tai sophia
obtaining herbs, my judging, my own listening, constructed and construed in my own fashion
stuff nose and well and healthy
4 senses working as one - 5 even working as one, coaching, practicing listening, i hear, I observe what is your question - that is something your grandparents would want you sharing, in your presence i observed
bob duggan's seminar moved me and may I have your listening
give your fellow seekers of healing the tools they need to redefine their health

2/3/13 SUN 11:30
cold, overcast, flurries
superbowl XLVII
I woke and had breakfast and coffee w/ dan's parents, went to redefining health, broke for lunch to prime filet, came back and finished ceu, came back had dinner and watched superbowl on dvr
my exercises, learning to love again, finishing my errands and applying bob and dianne's principles
defenses toward these new ideas - expectations, however, lead to suffering
supwerlative
wow - living in the wow
bob signing my book and getting his card - feeling I got from the ceu
I changed the universe
practice listening, lookover notes from courses and redefining health, practice - pick up soc. security card

2/5/13 TUES 1:15
cold, lt. accum. of snow
ravens savor superbowl win, joe flacco contract negotiation
I traveled back to the poconos, lunched, napped, and did some chores had dinner, chris cooked, ended night watching capote (practiced techniques - redefining health)
job, money, applying what I've learned, having car, finishing chores, plants
no stress, no concern, not living life in opposition, no expectations
sound, rested, peaceful - i am what I am
I am what I am
susie, order, cleanliness, appl. of new practice
chores, gave hugs, said thank you, listened, I gave my listening as a gift
no expectations, put into practice, change the universe and live to serve others, ssn (card) to be delivered

2/6/13 WED 12:15
cold and p/c
snow showers periodically
shoveled the drive, beforehand had breakfast w/ Jude, drove back to Montclair, unpacked and rested, shopped for groceries and ended night w/ dinner and a movie
finishing 3 rounds of internal exercises tom, soc. security trip and working on errands list
fear, expectations, expecting a relationship, expecting anything will equal suffering
nose is stuffy, aware and using large mind
I am getting good at using large mind
The gift of listening and the 5 senses, taking everyone in today
party gifts to neighbors, acknowledging my father's fear and being straight with him
worsley chart, printer cartridge, gas, ssc, zoo trip, practice tools

2/6/13 WED 11:30
cold, sunny
petition to make acupuncture considered health care
email from judith regarding address issue and emailed her this evening, this morning visited office in cliften to get a ss card, ordered and visited and delivered message at zoo, ended evening with dinner exercises and workaholics
internal exercises, trip to baltimore and or columbia for delivery of her baby and herbal consult at acupuncture clinic/treatment, hc II, new year celebration, turtleback zoo stuff
transport to zoo, making calls about job query
stuffy nose, strong and fit
I don't need the YMCA
zoo visit
I listened - blessed others w/ my listening, I served others
notify Y to cancel membership, JMK.org, order question, order status, call list of job possibilities

2/8/13 FRI 12:52
cold, real cold
snowfall expected up to 10 in.
Dad and Chris came for his car and stayed for lunch and a trip to eagle rock reservation, I took a late afternoon nap to deal with headache, late dinner, late movie
exercises, my application of redefining health in my life
amount of human contact I am getting, that's just an expectation
sore, stuffy, rested, damp phlegm invasion
did bob want us - ahh that our symptoms had precursors in our spirit - sources in our emotions - disturbances - upsets - I am questioning acute-conditions - damp phlegm - what of that?
lunch
I gave people the gift of my listening
jmk.com dispute/track order, call numbers on list, study worsley chart

2/9/13 SAT 12:35
snowy - blizzard
snowstorm blankets NE
Jude and Dad replied via email. I worked on obtaining numbers for a potential jobs search
HCII or snow day - getting call list over w/ and cold gone - benefits of internal exercises
qi gong no longer concerned about classes tomorrow
stuffed up and lazy - overwarm and stifled, ok mentally and energy wise
my parents are hearing me
parents read and questioned their beliefs - walk, jeff and ryan interaction
gave the gift of my listening and spoke my mind, lived life on my terms
when opportunity arises - dispute charge on credit card, make remembering list additions, finalize call-list

2/9/13 SAT 10:40
windy, sunny, bright
snow, high winds, Jude emailed that she was off to shovel
jess having a kid - being an uncle, exercises
whether I can start a trust fund for the kid
headache, nose stuffy, head stuffy, I am functioning at a tip top rate
work I completed, exercises, shoveling, books retrieved
shoveled the driveway
print out valentine's day card and compose a message, finish number list

2/11/13 MON 1:00
cold, sunny
chinese new year
no word from my family had herbal concepts class all day and rested did some prep work in remembering transactions of point names
pictures and remembering pts and exercises
eating late at night and undigested stagnant food
sore, stuffy, anxious momentarily, accepting and receptive
I am practicing listening
listening, lunch, listening
gave people the gift of my listening, my jokes, gave the people gift of my speaking to better serve them
email - what's her name and schedule meetings and afterwards write letters (bi-monthly) friends and family. Once you get your ss call up Kate and ask for ride, last, get on bus, tell a joke, letter to bob duggan

2/12/13 TUES 12:30
snow fog and cold, m/c
n/a
word from jude query about pickup, returning ortho appt. time, I responded received ss# in the mail but didn't know bus routes, afternoon nap and dinner
exercises, losing weight, valentine's card, completing zoo application - pla and ota II
fitting in and making friends
well and able
I hold resentments against people for not doing what I suppose is their job - this is an irrational thought
walk, state of mind and nap
i gave the gift of my peaceful presence
glue, bus to zoo, calls

2/13/13 WED 12:15
cold, humidity high
n/a
i called chris this morning as I waited for a bus, I went to class came back for dessert and printed referrals
going home, peace and quiet, seeing susie, talking with my parents
my anger, my fear, irritation directed toward the girls above me - hatred and loathesomeness
sound
I have poor intuition when it comes to directions and travel
nap convo w teachers and students, ryan stephens
holding door, gift of listening, my peaceful presence
ryan stephens - talking with him
intramural info - check on - glue from cvs, deliver valentine cards, continue, if you have to phone convo w/ potential employers, revise valentine cards, ss card, bring mox and needles and study material

2/14/13 THURS 12:00
precipitation
N/A
chris picked me up at 10 oclock and drove me to the poconos - I lunched, napped and delivered a letter - stopped at grocery, helped prepare dinner and then ate dessert, performed internal exercises
exercises, finishing call list - disputing barclays charges
money, calling (courage for it), i've gotta dance with it - im not intervening i'm just inquiring
dust in throat, tight
i want to lose wt but don't know if internal exercises will do it
susie, nap, delivered letter valentine's day cards
list of things for dinner - and desserts and ice cream

2/15/13 FRI 12:35
cold but sunny
n/a
dad brought me back to montclair after an ortho appt. I got an angry letter from my neighbor. I wrote a handwritten note in response and received an email. I made it clear there would be no contact btw us or he would file a restraining order
nada
the noise and my anger towards the girls above me, the threats of my neighbor's boyfriend, dinner sunday - cleaning my apartment, calling tomorrow, finances
afraid, frightened, threatened, unwelcome, out of control, nervous, nostalgic, weepy
I've got to stick with mature individuals not immature kids who know no better
dad and mom's advice, thinking about how nice Kara Mia and James were
food garbage
call, laundry, little review maybe, print more journal entries

2/16/13 FRI 11:25
sunny, warm
no news seen
no word from family. I went to the bank, made some employment inroads and took a long nap that I seemed to need. I ended the night w/ internal exercises
dinner sunday - exercises, herbs, jess delivery, unclehood
mike and meg, girls not coming, jobs, my financial load on the family
feel very full of breath
i like internal exercises regiment. My neighbors upstairs are interfering with the quality of my sleep
nap, my positive attitude
plan on returning wallet
figure out name of Tai Sophia's, baked good and groceries tomorrow, return book and wallet, including card

2/16/13 SAT 10:30
cold - intense cold - seeps into your bones cold
not watch the news today
no word from my family. I slept in b/c the girl's party ruined my sleep - I went in for this afternoon's review and had early dinner, ended night w/ qi gong and writing patrick a letter
exercises improving my health and circulation and energy level - learnign more acupuncture - jess and baby, herbs and herb program - masters in acupuncture and herbology - at maryland university of integrative health
money, moving, boards, comps, pittsburgh, jobs, calling cold
i learned it's hard to function w/o an uninterrupted night's sleep
talking with my fellow students
I gave the gift of my listening
buy jude a book on healing exercises - look over some things, buy some soy products and some chocolate.
        

Book of Deeds Vol. 209

12/26/12 Wed 12:40
cold, no wind
Christmas
word from Jess and Jude's sisters I organized papers and prepared for the review tomorrow. I rested this evening and watched a late movie on dvd
my future, earnings, generous gift to give, honest, freedom from guilt, too many rules and strictures and drama - freedom to do what I want
pressure that I feel is imposed on me by my parents, guilty feelings and shame feelings that their remarks evoke - I anticipate them
sore throat and tiredness, sore and split lip, fragile emotionally, good positive self-image
I don't see the person I am, I see the person I perceive - the distorted view of myself
Susie, time to relax, organizing papers
posted photos on Facebook, letters/notes on Facebook, gifts via Pandora
review and stop pussy-footing sidestepping your duties.

12/27/12 THURS 1:20
snow, freezing rain and sleet
holidays, congress debating social security
jude was working on school, ran to grocery store, stopped in school, dad was on teh road all day, chris worked in his room. I reviewed material and rested
woman, fun, travel, cousin visiting, progress, the future, tamshiyaku
money for tamshiyaku, vacation, to pay way through school
tired, sore throat cracked lip
yin, bowel hyperirregularity
the sore throat and laryngitis keeps recurring
susie, jude's groceries, rest, relaxation
water for susie
complete/review, rough draft of histories and model for your report

12/28/12 FRI 12:55
cold, windy
snowstorm, possibly more snow on the way
Jude and Dad worked on work today Chris worked in his room. I reviewed notes and consulted trail guide to teh body
women, companionship, Susie's growth and development, future practice, money for gifts, unclenched
gillian and david staying together, David's peace of mind, finishing and polishing my report having enough time to review
sore throat, aching muscles, GI issues, stressed, pressured, aggravated, angry resentful, optimistic
I have more days to work on my project that anticipated
Susie laying down with me, MacGruber, resting and studying - researching, heretofore unknown things
chores and shovelled
review draft your project

12/29/12 SAT 1:35
cold, dry, sunny and clear
holiday season
Jude and Dad scheduled a dinner with mert, eric, and pam, with brian's mom and brian. I studied all day btw several naps after being stirred from sleep and continued on and off during meals
being prepared - knowing, or showing evidence of knowing the material, finishing, polishing report
my knowledge of pt. location and function, JAA PPA, making up work in PPA
split lip, sore throat (abetting), dry nose, nervous and occupied mentally
I keep putting off the inevitable
Susie, company, amount of work I finished
n/a
work on report for a while, JAA - finish the history and begin draft of its history - polish draft and work on other histories

12/30/12 SUN 2:30
snow and excessive wind
snow storm second this week
we were snowed in all day Jude did school work dad worked on reported Chris worked in his room and I researched material for my report
finishing and polishing my report - expressing my thoughts and gathering references for future study
timing of finishing my report and reviewing material from other classes - how I will manage a job with this workload
sore throat belly pulse, sore neck, together mentally
I am very focused on this report - I put my sweat and blood into this research today
Susie, what I got accomplished researching my report my stamina
nada
finish researching and start shaping your histories and or reflections consult checklist.

12/31/12 MON 1:20
cold, windy, partly sunny
new year's day celebrations approaching
jude went on shopping errands, dad worked on reports, read and watched football, chris worked in his room, i worked on research, wks cited and intro to report
completing, polishing getting something out of this research project
timing with report pla studying needed to be done
bloated, lackadaisical sluggish avoidant behavior, indulgent, excessive and unattentive
i am inattentive to detail - what I wanted to do - focus on the moment - I did not do at any point today
cowboys/redsskins game, worked finished on report, sleep
forgot to say - acupressure on Jude last night
mail letters, finish intro, two histories and some of the personal treatment detailitis

1/1/13 TUES 2:45
cold, p/c, mostly c
New Year's celebration/remembrances
jude went to movies with friends Dad and I and Chris went to Subway before seeing Django Unchained, came back and opened presents and had dinner
having money - getting a job - providing for myself
my PLA midterm, comp, research project #2, time to study and prepare and somewhere down the line I think I'm going to be found out to a fraud - that I know very little that I'm a phony
fatigued, sluggish, unfocused, procrastinative, distracted, GI health good, worried and lacking confidence
I needed some time off, I'm turning into a Republican
movies and meals and presents and care and support my mom and dad and Chris have given
said thank you
finish a big part of my first draft and get the writing juices flowing - have a plant near you - that's what you're missing

1/2/13 WED 11:00
cold, cloudy
new year's day, sugar bowl, playoff preview
jude and dad worked, chris took in recycling and worked in his room. I worked all day long on my report and editing, rad ran on treadmill, then we had dinner and discussion, Jude and I called it an early night
the rest of my reports reviewing other classes, qigong potential and healing exercises
finishing my report to the polished level I like while fitting in a review of points
tired, overly tired and upset with my sleeping habits and laziness, dazed and confused, disoriented, under the weather
if there is such a thing as S.A.D. I have it - and I am wondering how common is it
Susie, report progress, discussion w/ dad, jokes with jude
offered to help jude, convo w/ dad
finish a fair amount of my report

1/4/13 FRI 1:10
cold, bitter, dry
first bisexual, first Hindu elected to Congress/Senate?
Jude went to work dad and chris worked at home I had two separate appartments for my teeth and spent rest of the day writing
getting these braces off once and for all - just a few months, free time to hunt for a job, see Erin's karate students
fiinding time for next project, clinic scheduling
constipated and full, energetic and enthusiastic
there are things that make me look forward to going back to Montclair
going back to Montclair, nice neighbors, considering Montclair St. won't be back for a few weeks, free time I'll have
nada
don't forget anything, look over your list and finish final TCM and Japanese history, try out video gaming system

1/6/13 SUN 3:15
balmy cold
NFL playoffs began w/ packers and texans advancing
Jude contacted me about the good news of the charity case - I emailed her back. I finished my paper in wee hrs. of the morning
getting back into a routine/knowing the breaks in the routine - confidence in my ability
listening to my mind instead of my heart
lacking confidence but reassurance relaxed and in control, itchy and nose scabs
i really am unrealistic, grandiose, haphazard, if they only know how much - I learned that I've gotta learn a straight laced way of getting a girl
finishing paper - resting
food garbage, catnip, prof. convo
stick to the list - learn how to be straight laced and not so uptight

1/6/12 SUN 10:30
cold, sunny
NFL playoffs cont'd baltimore and seattle moved on
jude received my email and organized the delivery of my labcoat
knowing pts by palpation and palpating some girls soon
relationships I don't have, my progress, what I know
better, almost there
I panic, I worry about what a job entails. I worry about bus routes because I'm afraid of getting dropped off miles from where I want to be like PSU
meeting and respect that comes with it - experience was good
filled in for Alla
haircut, spleen, flash cards - planning what days and how i'll travel to job hunt - 60% door to doo, 40% internet sounds good

1/8/13 TUES 2:15
cold and sunny, chilly
national championship a real dud. Perhaps the worst in history
jude emailed this evening replying to my email and gave me a lecture that I appear dirty with my hair this way, we spoke tonight - w/ exception of w.c. list, I handed in my report
my plants blooming - having some peace and quiet
losing my temper about noises stressing about grades and progress
ok
I am putting off less things and taking the initiative on more things in my life
third wheel, edgemont memorial park, dreaming of claridge view
nada
study spleen again and lookover notes a bit - put Jan 16th @ 11 or 2 figure it out

1/8/13 TUES 10:15
cold and sunny very pleasant springy
Alabama wins first back-to-back NCAA championships
no word from my parents. I went to class after sleeping in then looking over the spleen channel. I started to watch omen III
a day off to relax and reorganize, do as I please
job, two midterms in two weeks
anxious, lazy, procrastinating, dry nose, lonely, frustrated, irritated, angry and dissatisfied, disgruntled
I learned I am standoffish and afraid of digging in to palpate - I'm in a rush to be finished
joking with ryan, my quiz results, Sheila's humor banter and convo
thanked everyone for their help
look at schedule for January and see if you can visualize the month ahead.

1/9/12 WED 10:00
cold, sunny, no wind
RG III's surgery, Football news
no word from my family. I got up early today and started chores, ironed, did some errands and watched movies
finishing midterms with a good grade, having the afternoon off tomorrow
midterms, JAA, PAA, tests
itchy, sore jaw, dry, bloated, afraid
I get anxious about clinic observations - i'd much more like to be a wallflower
sole and kara mia, chores completed, soil and plants, indoor gardening, watering, pandora, ironing
sent kara mia pics and offered to help hillary
observe and report @ S.C. and come back and study JAA & PLA - flash cards JAA

1/11/13 FRI 12:55
cold, sunny
sports news inconsequential
jude emailed me, was planning to call but got caught up in work. I slept I'm called in sick to student clinic observation, did a few errands, watched movies before that - internal excercises
JAA & PAA, PLA and OTA quiz, quiz, midterms, worried about progress because midterms might reflect how poorly I've absorbed the information
over anxious, expectant on edge, foreboding, negative and pessimistic about everything
I am pessimistic about everything
I am pessimistic about everything and it has a lot to do with loneliness
picking up garbage cans, called Robbie Robot, emailed Jude and Dad
flash cards, and look ahead, maybe lookover some possible test question scenarios

1/11/12 FRI 9:35
rainy and cloudy early
classifieds montclair patch
jude emailed a reply, she described the events of the weekend w/ the baby shower. I studied JAA and made flash cards began reading Kiiko Vol. 1
wrapping up my studying and getting to more eye grabbing aspects of acupuncture
how much I'm sleeping, avoidance depression traumatic brain injuries, my progress, my north, my skills palpating, my knowledge of points to use
not 100%, confident of my preparation but unsure of what my results of tests may be
I made some connections today regarding acupuncture relationships w/ body
connection discovery, espn first take, jude's email, reading of kiiko completed, satisfaction of tasks completed
didn't see anyone
learn anything you can from mitchell chalek's GR

1/12/13 SAT 10:30
overcast, unseasonably warm
NFL divisional round - Ravens w/ miracle comeback, 49ers w/ lead before I turned game off
no word from my family or friends
visiting my sister, having a day off, or a few days off after tuesday, being well prepared for midterms
midterms, JAA quiz @ the end DNA quiz at the end
sound, doing exercise everyday
I have the endurance to do a group of internal exercises everyday
exercise, talking with classmates, studying, thinking about relationshipos, an apt. in verona
offered hillary some help wrap up sm. intestine studies, then move on to overview

1/14/13 MON 1:45
overcast
NFL divisional round - patriots, falcons advance
jude and jess and dan wrapped up Jude's 1/2 of the shower and jude sent me an article on bananas. Jess inquiring about specific details. I was absent to class today
the benefits of internal exercise and weight loss w/ green coffee extract
how I will get places when in columbia how I will balance studying w/ hunting for a job
bloated, anxious, afraid, avoidant, messy, lazy, incompetent and meticulous - old
I am willing to live a lie if it means being in a better comfort zone. There's not a decent way to show for acupuncture and if there is, I don't know about it
Seattle's comeback, Jude and Jess's email, exercises (internal) prospect of day off and prospect of a day off and prospect of healthy future, tom's email, norm's check0in
Hopefully Patricia recieved my copies and is enjoying them
find a way to study for Zheng's test that'll make you remembers - or find out from norm how he does it.

1/16/12 TUES 2:00
partly cloudy - rainy
NFL playoff games raise questions about during game decisions
no word from family, got an email from tom. I took the day off from studying
nothing at the moment accept results from internal exercises
my two midterms - both equally, job and fitting it in fatigue, depressionisolation, loneliness, avoidant behavior, antisocial behavior, untrustworthiness
sore throat, fatigue, lazy, unable to retain any information, impossible to motivate
I am weak willed when I get the mentality that the odds are stacked against me when I fight my biology
the lack of responsibility
I didn't see anyone
look over small intestine and if you can look ahead to what you can expect on the midterms

1/16/12 WED 2:30
rainy
N/A
no word from jude. I woke up very late and moped about in bed, went to OTA and PLA this afternoon. Cooked dinner and watched straw dogs
what i'm going to do with my day off
midterms, my parents, reminding me about searching for jobs, the travel aspect, public transport
bloated, up, disgruntled, unfocused, prayerful, hoping
prayer, especially the serenity prayer, helped me through a tough start to the day
serenity prayer, banter, tom and labelling points
lent my notes to Hillary
don't study all in one day - make a plan, possibly to break it up and even if you are going to drill, plan out your drilling in an outline. warn folks it'll be a busy week and probably little contact.

1/16/13 WED 10:30
rainy, snow early
snow in the forebast - snow for large part of the region
word from Jude, dad encouraging me to go to the sports dome and support on the test. I studied a little today and watched movies
getting midterms over with - getting to the fun stuff
depression, lack of joy, isolationism, sleeping in defeatist attitude, procrastination, and louze about, my prep and my performance on the midterms, PAA
fed up, joyless, uninspired, depressed, unhappy, unfulfilled, scared
I am so afraid - maybe its the seasonal affective disorder, I've gotta get grateful and order sonja loyabimursky's book again
workaholics, movies, hearing, from mom and dad
didn't see anyone really
finishing studying for OTA and start to incorporate PLA - make a plan

1/18/13 FRI 3:00
overcast
Mantay Teo is the victim and possibly the willing purpetrator of a hoax
word from judith words of encouragement and financial worries and I replied back. I was absent for observation at student clinic today, studied at night a few hours
finshing my test prep for my two midterms
time I devote to pla and ota, fatigue and long days draining me and getting fixated on the nfl games instead of turning the tv off
tired of braces, lazy unkempt, unorganized, procrastination
I am a bum and I can't handle pressure so I just avoid it
judith's email and under suspicion and new movies
told jude she made my night
really keep the tv shut off as a policy, get back to meditation

1/18/13 FRI 9:30
super cold
Mantai Teo - is it a hoax NFL conference championship round this weekend
no news from my family. studied my ass off for OTA in prep for midterms and then took a break from studying/ to get more rest for the weekend
finishing midterms, visiting jess, getting to work, shop, and go to an AA meeting, have some human contact, complete a course, get an idea of my progress
copms, my next report, finals, prof. lustig
midterm practical, nothing else, job seraching, public transportation routes, the weather
weak, itchy, lonely, in need of human contact, resentful, bitter, agitated, angry and fed up, lazy
aoiding is safer for me, I am going ever deeper into avoidant behavior and depression
finishing studying
didn't see anyone
back to internal exercise/review a bit for PLA - notes.

1/20/13 SUN 12:05
cold as shit
no big news
no news from family and friends I was absent from ECA today and studied late in the evening
finishing my midterms so i can move on
midterms - esp. point location, my depression, laziness, not getting my act together
fine, bloated, awake, preped for tuesday and fearing wednesday more
I fear job seraching more than i fear an examination
sleeping in, alla and norm's call
I didn't see/food garbage
PAA followed by wrapping up channel study and finish to get ready for major studying monday

1/21/13 MON 1:15
cold as a tit
superbowl 53 matchup is 49ers and ravens
email from jude and word from jess I will be down for an acupuncture and an herbal treatment during Tyler's birthday celebration
more energy, clearer thinking
that green coffee extract results in a neutralizing effect on my antidepressants
very alert and aware - woken from a coma
I'm getting back to 100%
talking with tom, kidding areound with everyone at eastern, tip sipping
complimented denis
study your best/ take breaks, copy - referrals for montclair h.s. students w/ caption reading, do not throw stones and did you know the first acupuncture needles were called bian stones
take 1/limit 1 p/p

1/22/13 TUES 12:30
cold as ice
MLK day, pres. obama inaugurated as president beginning of 2nd term
word from jess and convo w/ jess about columbia visit. studied most of the day w/ breaks in between
getting midterms over w/ getting research topic
PAA final, job hunt and transportation availability
sound, bit nervous
i am regaining energy from Svetol fiasco
breaks, ta and emails exchanged
food garbage, thanked michelle
wash thoroughly after point location practice   

Book of Deeds Vol. 208

11/15/12 THURS 1:39

cool partly-sunny
nada
Jude emailed me, Dad is in Western PA trying to find new tenants to the rental
free time
nothing at the moment
energetic, constipated
I am a cinephile
Jude's reaction to my email
Jude's reaction to my email
ironing, bike parts, swimming, tennis possibly, lookover some of Trail Guide PAA reading

11/19/12 MON 1:00
cool
Stephen Colbert coming to the Wellmont Theatre
Jude emailed me about alterations in Thanksgiving plans. I missed MT because of lateness
starting my report
my progress, always at Eastern
sore back and fatigued - heavy eyelids
laugh off the situations that cannot be helped - -you have no one to answer to but yourself - that's the difference between one who judges & someone who judge's not
freedom, lax attitude, accomplishments
Insanitea
sleep and human bio review

11/18/12 MON 9:39
colder
Don't read the news
Jude messaged me last night and I contacted Ortho, Acu and Oral Surgeon parties and travelled around town splurging, went to class
sleeping, regaining my senses
stamina
taxed yet enlivened, seeing with new eyes, excited
I had a spiritual awakening
countless thing - my spiritual condition foremost
wrote girls a note, raked leaves
sleep and look over Lung indications

11/19/12 WED 12:30
cool, brisk
Thanksgiving Eve
I went to class today. came home to the Poconos (Chris gave me a ride)
Thanksgiving scrabble match, maybe massage to give Dan
anxiety, tenseness, my ego, rebellious qi
sharp, sarcastic, bittersweet
I am overthinking things and worrying about things
Tom's moxa (burning), errands tomorrow - observation
offered nuts to turn petted Susie
bring chart

11/21/12 THURS 12:40
cool and sunny
Thanksgiving
I went to OT the apt. and observed Louise today. Dad worked for Prosser & Jude had a half-day, Jude cooked and Chris picked up quesadia
Thanksgiving tomorrow
stress, enough relaxing time, caffeine, alcohol and drugs, not making meetings
fatigued, running on empty, uptight, wiry
I am emotionally unstable
Susie
petted Susie, helped Jude out, hugged Jude
read relax, yin activity, schedule some down time and some work on the side

11/21/12 THURS 9:00
cool, sunny
Thanksgiving Day
we arrived at Jess and Dan's at 11:30, Dad/Chris/ and I went for a walk, watched football until dinner, had dessert
qi gong, women, solitude, Acupuncture treatments, and successful business
anxiety, depersonlization, stress, state of my mental and behavioral/physiological health/emotional health
out of sorts around people I am not comfortable with, I have no trust, untrusting, unaccepting
I feel stranger and I feel as if I am closing off, shutting down for fear of embarrassment. Anything I do I feel embarrassed I might "screw up"
walk, Jets losing, trail
hugs, compliments to everyone
study and go with the flow

11/23/12 SAT 11:45
flurries
college football end of regular season
we left Columbia today and arrived in the Poconos at 7:15, and unloaded the car and did chores/other stuff
starting my research project
dedicating enough time to ensure project is good
tired
I have some issues I need to address
Susie
nada
read references in google books, lookover my human bio videos some

11/25/12 SUN 11:38
cool and windy
NFL football and college football results
I woke up and began to do schoolwork, copying and such and finished my observation sheets, Jude cleaned and reorganized, I began but did not finish, videos
5 Element and research project, christmas gifts
momey fitting and job into my schedule
energetics and peristaltic
I am feeling pretty good with my vitality/vigor
Susie, finishing those sheets, completing edited pictures
sent pics for co-students
videos, li review

11/27/12 TUES 12 am
cold and dry
Thanksgiving weekend ends
Jude brought me back from Poconos I attended class
women
my work ethic and anxiety problems
lil' off
I was agitated earlier
Susie, Deanna, Natasha Kjinski
nada
study large intestine

11/27/12 TUES 11:15
snow then rain
embassy bombing Israel - aftermath
Jude had school today. I did chores, attended theory and found out PLA was cancelled - shoveled drive and sidewalk
what I accomplished with plants, shoveling, my work ethic
depression, anxiety, concentration, attention span, becoming like - overstimulated to the point where I can't concentrate - as Constance says - not sensitized but over-sensitized
anxious, lonely, bitter, angry, resentful, jealous, envious, lustful, distracted, enraged, mean, weepy
I have so many emotions - I am bursting with them
plants
brought sage to Tom, shoveled driveway for neighbors, sidewalk for passerby
hopefully plants'll be plantable, at least some, for now I need rest, lookover notes, but don't go nuts for today

11/29/12 THURS 1:30
cold - bitter
New Jersey native, star of Melrose place and Cry-Baby sentenced to 10 years/manslaughter, Gen. Patreus
Jude has long day tomorrow. She sent me the design for the baby's room. I studied and attended class, came  home and strained the seed water
planting, herbs, the future, my practice, Pittsburgh
my health, my weight, whether I have cold the onset of one, the way people see, my solitude and all encompassing study habits
sore throat, anxiety comes and goes
anxiety has not reduced (daily) frequency has reduced
talk with Norman
food garbage, Hillary I let borrow my notes
you could hand in your reports, get a little prep work done for next week and look over Jeremy's material

11/29/12 THURS 7:05
cool & p/c
Lindsay Lohan arrested for assault
Jude contacted me about consultation and finding a job, job stresss and financial stress. I had an acupuncture treatment at student clinic ESATM
sleeping, that time in the middle of the night for work and play knowing you have the day off
stress, anxiety, the way the girls upstairs perceive me, my progress, how good I am as a practitioner compared with others
dry nose, tired, fulfilled, nervous, ambitious, relaxed
things regarding "competition" anxiety, are issues that need to be addressed
finding out about kidney tonic may be source of my anxiety
food trash
get the max done that you can to prepare for exams and practicals

12/2/12 SUN 12:00
cool, overcast
Jersey shore still in ruins, no beach
Jude emailed she's waiting for word from me
starting my paper, wrapping up studying for my various subjects
the quiz in Theory, the quiz in PLA, Jeff sitting in on our classroom (Caesar all over again), time to do report
hanging in there
I can push through tiredness and really try and enjoy my time awake. Treatments - that take it out of you - is your body's way of using healing energy
everybody was on the ball, nice, polite, getting through videos
nada
ground round until 4 - bring nuts, finish human bio skin and begin Theory review

12/3/12 MON 12:05
cold, rain late
murder-suicide of K.C. Chiefs linebacker and his wife
Jude and Dad received my call, earlier Jude accidentally sat on Susie, I went to GR. today, came back and read 3 chapters of Human Bio
finishing up prep work for this week so I can work on my research paper Thursday and Friday
my progress, combinations of points (math is not my strong suit
ok
mindset is important
Damini, GR Five Element Practitioner
gave Norman my research project requirements to copy
send Christmas list to Jude finish reading Human Bio chapter skim sections you feel you are strong in. Begin reviewing Sheila

12/4/12 TUES 12:55
cold, sunny
nada
Jude - no response. Jill Cassidy (Aunt Jill) responded to my email. I went to Human Bio class today and came back and studied
finishing quizzes tomorrow, looking over notes for things to look over and further research
Jeff overseeing our class, Dr. Zheng getting hurt
sympathetic, unconfident, confused, unsure mostly
we have two weeks left in Human Bio
Constance's class
nada
groceries after class & highlight some things you would like to use for research paper - find days of journal you had treatment, and evaluate your charts - at least look them over

12/5/12 WED 3:05
balmy, rainy
nada
Jude had busy week & talks with Jill and Jacque
time off
my progress palpating, the effort I've given whether it is substandard
ok
I had my first bout of depression for a while
joking with my fellow students
got Norman a Subway meal
get a few things done - don't press look at some pts - get groceries

12/6/12 2:00
cold, very windy
nada
Jude to event @ ESU (alumni event), we corresponded I went to A&P, came home had dinner and ironed
the holidays, learning the way I like best - new words - scrabble-like
my retention of points, distractions writing my paper
sore throat
I can't recall very well what my reaction to treatment was except Japanese made me energetic & TCM made drained
learning that acupuncture can drain you
nada
buy rest of gifts, start paper

12/7/12 FRI 3:15
cold, sunny
medical marijuana dispensary opens in Montclair
Jude, Dad and I talked tonight, I developed a cold and rested most of the day
Emergen-C tomorrow, groceries, work on my research paper
will power to get groceries, iron, research & do all this shit
frog in my throat
24/7 billing.com (the name)
24/7 billing.com
met w/ Jude and Dad
get some stuff done

12/6/12 FRI 9:59
cold, rainy
royal family
Jude, emailed me tonight to see how I was feeling. I worked on my research paper and went to bed early
getting these points down cold, getting better seeing my classmates again
how much time I have to find a job, finish my research project & learn all these points - magi marker might come in handy
sick (sore throat), determined, confident
I need to study PLA & Human Bio & Jeremy, PLA PPA
moneyball - PSU article, getting some work done on my research paper
sent a note to Jude
iron and lookover PLA during free time maybe some cleaning, def. some groceries

12/8/12 SAT 9:10
cold, high humidity - balmy
Kate Middleton's Nurse commits suicide
no word from my family. I went to Ethics in Acupuncture today, got back and watched Human Bio videos
getting better, traveling, working on research paper & knowing pts cold
how much time I have to finish my research project
bloated, throat is raw, I can't speak w/out pain, fatigue and tiredness
I don't know how to cure laryngitis so I'm gonna ride it out
Ethics class some parts, finishing Human Bio videos, getting to bed early
nada
stomach meridian and urinary system & reproductive system

12/10/12 MON 12:30
rainy
second unit-practice LB for cowboys killed by friend and teammate and charged w/ intoxication manslaughter
Jude, Dad and I talked tonight. I cancelled my plans to attend Clinic ER due to laryngitis I played some tennis, rested and watched tv
feeling better
how long cold will last
crumby
laryngitis does not go away in three days
talking w/ Jeff, talking with my parents
wrapped presents, food garbage
rest, recover

12/10/12 MON 11:45
misty
nada
nada, I went to class tonight
nothing but when the time I am feeling 100%
laryngitis dragging on
sore throat, sharp with sense of humor
I feel better, I feel worse, hard to say when I'll be better I must mentally focus on the fact that I'm fine, living, breathing, functioning, its my throat that not functioning. All of me is working, not just one part
class tonight, giving Prof. Frazer her gift, Deanna's voice
gift for Prof. Frazer
rest, recover

12/13/12 THURS 1:15
cold, dry
Alabama/Notre Dame NCAA C-ship, Oregon shooting
Jude has or had book club and is preparing for jess's shower in January
getting healthy, getting into my report
having enough time to study, setting aside enough time to write my paper, study, review & do other things too
tired and sore, consumed w/ sore throat and cough
I have fought through many notions of quitting, that is, bailing on class when I was sick or tired - but I persevered
Deanna giving me aspirin - Mike's face when he saw his gift card, General Tsao's chicken
gift card for professor - thanked Norman for calling
take it slow - look at things you're doing and focus on what you're doing and don't rush

12/14/12 FRI 1:15
cool, dry
Royal family nurse autopsy
Jude talked about 72" flatscreen they just mounted. I emailed her, did some errands, some shopping, reading, resting, cooking, grocery shopping, holiday wish lists
getting some great gifts
availability of gifts, herbs
sick as a dog
I don't feel any better, I may need to get some stronger medication & try some acupoints
doing good & trying to get rid of resentment: focusing on mundane tasks
key for girls, gifts will, in time for Jude, Nancy and Frank
rest, relax, recover - parasympathetic nervous system

12/15/12 SAT 12:05
cold sunny
Conn. school shooting
no contact from Jude, Talked with Jess this morning briefly, I did errands, shopped, took care of throat care, rested, read, tv'd
Christmas, finals done, research paper, health, qi gong - immortal qi gong
chronic illness - throat
sick, on the verge of cough all the time
I want to live where I can't get a cold, James, K.M., and Sole may be moving away
Milo, Sole, the quilt - xbox before I realized it didn't work
paid kara mia a compliment
get well, study as much as you can

12/15/12 SAT 9:00
cold, sunny
Conn. shooting suspect had altercation days before
no word from the family this wknd
my excitement is muted but its visions of the future, health, prosperity and understanding contentment, release from fear, grief, sadness, depression & discontent
romantic life, braces (teeth-overbite position), this cold being more than a cold - pneumonia or TB
pressure in my chest and a wheezy feeling deep inside my throat going into my stomach
I haven't gotten better and may need to consult a doctor when I go home this week and cancel plans for observation on Thursday
visions of the future, writing jokes to my Aunts and being and having the wherewithal to write in to tell Aili I wasn't going to make it in tomorrow
started writing letters w/ gift cards that will eventually be spent
lookover chapter tests - human bio & know them cold - if you have time look over A&P so that attention can be focused this week - may phone ahead for thursday appt.

12/16/12 SUN 7:50 p.m.
rainy
supposedly brother of Connecticut, gunman found dead in New Jersey somewhere, Steelers lose tight game
no word from Jude or Dad, I stayed home and missed class due to sickness - tried to heal - convalesce - watched Steeler game - will study later tonight after I rest
family coming to the Poconos
Family coming to the Poconos, test tomorrow, test Wed, observing time to finish report and edit it and catch up on missed schoolwork - in Aili's class and others - Xin's most importantly
sick, bloated, imbalanced, parched, dry, sluggish and weary - not levelheaded or coherent
I take Steelers losses too hard - I am way to emotionally invested - maybe it's important for me to take a few steps back and reassess
taking the day off - Norm's concern over my absence & the fact that he probably transmitted the not to Aili, almost done (considering it)
card (writing) & planning gifts
plan a hike for around Christmas day near railroad rd. - see what you can come up with, remember to take the bike home, remember Pawberry fields gifts & checkout before you go home

12/18/12 TUES 12:00
rainy-misty cold
Jets lose and eliminated from playoffs
no word from family I studied played tennis, took my human bio final and got groceries after chinese food
getting healthy, studying and practicing these tools (getting better from lingering body issues).  
knowing points cold and knowing general functions my progress and how many of these concepts are eluding me or I block out, my grades, my health
sore throat and confident, happy about the results on my final
I am lucky as a dog to have these professors for electorate courses rather than community college prof. w/ more difficult coursework
finals, conversational ease w/ everyone and joking around, Constance talking with her, relaxing
nada
finish chores & A&P review, tidy up and prepare dinner to bring

12/18/12 TUES 8:45 p.m.
windy, overcast, high wing
Conn. still on everyone's minds, gun control an issue right now
Jude sent word - reacted to my grades and told me about time spent with the Pio family
relaxing, time off of studying, finishing (clarifying and refining) my ideas about acupuncture
the heat in this room, my plants receiving too much fan air - collapsing of stems, not enough time for me to know these points cold or have them down prior to OTA midterm
worried, stressed, dissapointed, aggravated, lonely, anxious and anticipating foreboding and pessimistic
I am still tired of being sick. I get angry when girls make noise because I want peace, quiet, solitude, peace - serenity - noise makes me fearful, cause I'm sensitive and don't like loud noises
seeing Dr. Zheng & Sheila's face, getting classes done
gift cards to Dr. Zheng and Sheila
study for midterm and know material cold - go through practice tests too. all notes, esp. quizzes

12/19/12 WED 11:00 p.m.
cold (bitter) & slightly windy
celebrity deaths of 2012
Jude reminded me in an email to unplug everything that she took off a day of school. I studied for A&P II and took my final tonight. I got back prepared oatmeal and did various chores
going to the Poconos tomorrow, walks, time off, rest and relaxation, shopping will be fun - hikes, family, friends, cooking, football, researching my paper, video games, interests and pursuits (time)
class Saturday and ducking out maybe I'll stay, job - juggling with class, fatigue - tiredness, staying awake with MVP, my romantic life, isolation, girls upstairs (noise), hatred and loathing, anger (boiling over)
recovering, about 60% nervous, ancy, worried, excited, bursting, butterflies, adrenalized, restful
I slept for 11 hours because my body needed to recover. I take things very seriously - I can't lighten up
deanna, conversing, my final performance, my health, essent. reprod. organ-wise, thinking about susie
gifts, cards, I did my best
stick it out tomorrow @ clinic and try to get treated - see if Louise Bowman can fit you in on Saturday, remember all items

12/23/12 SUN 1:10
cold as shit
gun control, Syrian explosion
Brugges joined Cassidy family and us. I had class early this morning and left at midday. Evening after they arrived I napped, got up, dinnered, scrabbled, conversed, put foam in my ears
presents, the future, meditation, gifts surprise of the recipients
reprisal for Thoma card. missing 1/2 a day of History, my progress, my paper being polished
sore in chest, still fatigued, frustrated at my behavior and satisfied with my interaction
I can get a genius scrabble score almost every time
scrabble, helping Aunt Jill and Jude, my apartment - my hair, cookies & my presence of mind
massage to Aunt Jill, complimented Jude
just live for the moment and go with what your conscience tells you.