2/12/12 SUN 12:00 a.m.
-6 degrees C, 19 degrees F, s.e.
Whitney Houston 48, dies in Beverly Hills Hotel at 3 p.m. L.A. time, attending a pre-Grammy party
Jude and James went to see The Descendants, Susie Derkins Hartzler came into the house, sat on my lap in my room
working and meeting women in Glenside, studying, the future - getting A&P over with
passing A&P
sound, bloated (stomach), I need more fruit in my diet, fruits and veggies
raw foods - my dad and mum don't eat them or buy them as often (I cannot afford to buy food)
Hangover Police taser scene, Chris talking and joking with me, yelling at my A&P textbook
Let Susie in, Chores
Offer to make meals for my parents even if they refuse them, look through Acupuncture Study, review 1-3, 24 as much as you hate the scientific terms
I am happy with the way I handled the stress of this week, dissapointed that my thoroughness (I thought it would pay off) did not yield a better result. It is not Prof. Ruschman's fault - I do not carry a resentment toward her, nor should I - my responsibility is the assignment. The assignment thus far has been showing up, studying for practical & the practical itself. Should I resent her because I didn't get into lab & put in the hours obviously life & familial love dwarfs the importance of study. Grieving takes time and loved ones' friends & family will die no matter how close in age, older or younger. The unexpectedness & the allergy part of shocking, intensity of the moment death - will catch a person off guard.
False prayer will get you nowhere if you have got guilt and lies on your conscience
2/13/12 MON 12:45
Below freezing
Hines Ward will not play for Pittsburgh
Jude to Dales with Pie-o Tracy, Jess published picture of homemade pasta & wine, Susie was in for several hrs. tonight
The possibilities of meeting people in Glenside
the blankness & fear I feel for the future, also getting word that I have been accepted
fat, belly fat, mentally sharp
A&P study takes effort & distractions don't help
Susie
food offering, love to Susie
Sarcasm must be gotten rid of like a bad habit
I am concerned about the appt. with Dr. Helfts - I know from the start he will not know an acupuncturist for post oral surgery during/after - inform you want local anesthesia allergies (drugs and alcohol) & mitral valve prolapse - adverse affects of Novocaine
1/2212 SUN 11:40
misty, cold
Joepa dies
Pap in hospital with daughters, lung capacity down, waiting game if he won't improve
seeing Pap again
the future
sound
impatience & overdoing it with television
Eli winning, Patriots winning creating Superbowl rematch
dishes, called Mom, talked with anonymous
Acupuncture study, A&P review (w/ Biochem supplemental)
1/25/12 WED 2:00 a.m.
brisk, cold, moist
blah blah State of the Union, special guest single mother, CC grad student
Jude doctor & tense over Pap, Dad funny with me n stern, Chris affable, good but difficult day communication (lotta reacting)
the future meeting a tall woman, & working/studying in Glenside - putting an advertisement - being in a city
the noise of the city, missing home comforts, the course & assgnment. I missed - just the prof. & class morale seems way down
sound, need extra rest lately
class cancelled - I really get angry when I'm told not to do something. & maybe they are the same way. I have a short temper at the least little comment I can feel like it has destroyed my universe
looking forward tying, jumping out of bed
cleaned, played with kitty complemented & hugged my brother, hugged Jude and Dad, complements & good deeds
don't fear the class, visualize a positive trip to Glenside, remember triggers to strange and peculiar behavior, do your duty - work on that voice in your head that says "aack, do I have to do it. Just do it you'll feel better after
I'm grateful I'm feeling convalesced today and cold's passing, I'm taking care of my body and mind & doing less to get stressed - there is less fear in dong things that are unfamiliar - some of that control must be lifted - I must proceed w/ caution - H.A.L.T. so to speak, slow down, don't rush - where does the balance exist between caution and letting go and letting God.
1/30/12 MON 10:54
cold & dry - good for fire
Dunno
PapPap (John "Jaggers" Diller) died last night.
seeing w. PA again & friends not seen in years
emotionality
sound, of sound body & mind
People don't wanna talk about death they masque their feelings - depersonalization is an amazing defense mechanism
visions of holidays long gone & W. Pa friends
thought about gifts/photos
set aside all plants & go with it
1/25/12 WED 11:22 P.M.
I need earplugs tom.
dry cool, clear, moony
crap, RAFA & Fed play, Kvitova/Sharapova, I avoid the news, I don't care about the tone is so morose
Dad skeptical but lighthearted, Jude in a good mood, Dad a tad ornery & senile, Chris helpful, I had lots of resentments & apologies to make
meeting women in Glenside, applying @ country club, this Azarenka match - I like her game she is so beautiful
Azarenka's hair affecting her play, Clijsters dissapointment & being a sore loser
sound, anxious, panicy, fearful, panic attacky, resentful, flustered afraid
I might want to consider anti-anxiety drug - non-addictive, non-narcotic discuss w/ Heather
Nirvana, Chinese Tony, Chinese food Mandarin book, future looks bright thinking about prospects for dating in Glenside (septa research needed)
all the chores, killed the clutterbug, got work done was very polite & complimenting to Chris
put in good effort in class H.A.L.T. Resentment/Guilt, God grant me the serenity to Accept - accept everything tomorrow
for what it is. The courage to change - my actions my approach the things I can, and the wisdom when (to know the diff.) between adaptation or fight.
2/13/12 TUES 1:45
colder than a witches titty
Jeremy Lin 38 its against Lakers - "doesn't care how long this lasts"
Jude &I butt heads, I encounter former refs of yesteryear kitty inside all evening feeling remorseful
the day is filled with excitement for meeting girls
having a kid, pregnancy, where to raise my kids
sound as a pound, digesting well, craving less food
forgiveness, turning a cheek
made jude dinner & lunch for tomorrow, stamped dads & went out to lunch w/ dad, offers to pay, the best I can do
held doors, taught a child & encouraged a child to make his first hoop
gold 10 K piece (hoc), dump metal stay on target w/ quizzes - reviewing, terminology
2/14/12 TUES 11:00 p.m.
balmy, moist & cloudy, brisk
Lin scores 3-pt. game winning basket & sets NBA record for most pts. in first 5 games since Merger
Rob is working out. I was short w/ my mom - I'm not perfect. Chris & I connect over the cat, Dad & I connected over
Lin - as a high profile, NBA player with an Asian background drawing the world's attention, about meeting girls, researching, studying, improving my A&P grade
my insecurity & negative self image, self esteem, & engaged & married women, attached women - what do I go about doing with them
sound, good stamina
about punch fouls and how they should be handled - intentional foul is an intentional foul - encourage coach - it would behoove you to talk w/ your player - what to do about malicious intent
Junesca's reaction to the Gert& cannot explain why - numb, full of fear, at a certain point very excited - I've gotta watch it - I'm so self-aware that it can be daunting - I've gotta realize I'm not the pink elephant in the room.
2/17/12 Friday 3:10
balmy
Carter, NY Mets catcher obit
I offered to help Tracy Pio's husband.
My participation in Mt. Pocono
too little time to study for Lecture Exam #1
tired, exhausted, dreading waking up
I regret not learning how to 12 step in the ARD program - not getting it through my thick skull
Andy's "pound" Dr. Zhivago, looking back @ election 2004. Learning not to look back - That holding onto checks is a good idea if you don't need to cash them
offered food & support & advice & humor to my family- I tried to cheer them up
take a break & get some rest after class
Connecticut
Kobe
-6 degrees C, 19 degrees F, s.e.
Whitney Houston 48, dies in Beverly Hills Hotel at 3 p.m. L.A. time, attending a pre-Grammy party
Jude and James went to see The Descendants, Susie Derkins Hartzler came into the house, sat on my lap in my room
working and meeting women in Glenside, studying, the future - getting A&P over with
passing A&P
sound, bloated (stomach), I need more fruit in my diet, fruits and veggies
raw foods - my dad and mum don't eat them or buy them as often (I cannot afford to buy food)
Hangover Police taser scene, Chris talking and joking with me, yelling at my A&P textbook
Let Susie in, Chores
Offer to make meals for my parents even if they refuse them, look through Acupuncture Study, review 1-3, 24 as much as you hate the scientific terms
I am happy with the way I handled the stress of this week, dissapointed that my thoroughness (I thought it would pay off) did not yield a better result. It is not Prof. Ruschman's fault - I do not carry a resentment toward her, nor should I - my responsibility is the assignment. The assignment thus far has been showing up, studying for practical & the practical itself. Should I resent her because I didn't get into lab & put in the hours obviously life & familial love dwarfs the importance of study. Grieving takes time and loved ones' friends & family will die no matter how close in age, older or younger. The unexpectedness & the allergy part of shocking, intensity of the moment death - will catch a person off guard.
False prayer will get you nowhere if you have got guilt and lies on your conscience
2/13/12 MON 12:45
Below freezing
Hines Ward will not play for Pittsburgh
Jude to Dales with Pie-o Tracy, Jess published picture of homemade pasta & wine, Susie was in for several hrs. tonight
The possibilities of meeting people in Glenside
the blankness & fear I feel for the future, also getting word that I have been accepted
fat, belly fat, mentally sharp
A&P study takes effort & distractions don't help
Susie
food offering, love to Susie
Sarcasm must be gotten rid of like a bad habit
I am concerned about the appt. with Dr. Helfts - I know from the start he will not know an acupuncturist for post oral surgery during/after - inform you want local anesthesia allergies (drugs and alcohol) & mitral valve prolapse - adverse affects of Novocaine
1/2212 SUN 11:40
misty, cold
Joepa dies
Pap in hospital with daughters, lung capacity down, waiting game if he won't improve
seeing Pap again
the future
sound
impatience & overdoing it with television
Eli winning, Patriots winning creating Superbowl rematch
dishes, called Mom, talked with anonymous
Acupuncture study, A&P review (w/ Biochem supplemental)
1/25/12 WED 2:00 a.m.
brisk, cold, moist
blah blah State of the Union, special guest single mother, CC grad student
Jude doctor & tense over Pap, Dad funny with me n stern, Chris affable, good but difficult day communication (lotta reacting)
the future meeting a tall woman, & working/studying in Glenside - putting an advertisement - being in a city
the noise of the city, missing home comforts, the course & assgnment. I missed - just the prof. & class morale seems way down
sound, need extra rest lately
class cancelled - I really get angry when I'm told not to do something. & maybe they are the same way. I have a short temper at the least little comment I can feel like it has destroyed my universe
looking forward tying, jumping out of bed
cleaned, played with kitty complemented & hugged my brother, hugged Jude and Dad, complements & good deeds
don't fear the class, visualize a positive trip to Glenside, remember triggers to strange and peculiar behavior, do your duty - work on that voice in your head that says "aack, do I have to do it. Just do it you'll feel better after
I'm grateful I'm feeling convalesced today and cold's passing, I'm taking care of my body and mind & doing less to get stressed - there is less fear in dong things that are unfamiliar - some of that control must be lifted - I must proceed w/ caution - H.A.L.T. so to speak, slow down, don't rush - where does the balance exist between caution and letting go and letting God.
1/30/12 MON 10:54
cold & dry - good for fire
Dunno
PapPap (John "Jaggers" Diller) died last night.
seeing w. PA again & friends not seen in years
emotionality
sound, of sound body & mind
People don't wanna talk about death they masque their feelings - depersonalization is an amazing defense mechanism
visions of holidays long gone & W. Pa friends
thought about gifts/photos
set aside all plants & go with it
1/25/12 WED 11:22 P.M.
I need earplugs tom.
dry cool, clear, moony
crap, RAFA & Fed play, Kvitova/Sharapova, I avoid the news, I don't care about the tone is so morose
Dad skeptical but lighthearted, Jude in a good mood, Dad a tad ornery & senile, Chris helpful, I had lots of resentments & apologies to make
meeting women in Glenside, applying @ country club, this Azarenka match - I like her game she is so beautiful
Azarenka's hair affecting her play, Clijsters dissapointment & being a sore loser
sound, anxious, panicy, fearful, panic attacky, resentful, flustered afraid
I might want to consider anti-anxiety drug - non-addictive, non-narcotic discuss w/ Heather
Nirvana, Chinese Tony, Chinese food Mandarin book, future looks bright thinking about prospects for dating in Glenside (septa research needed)
all the chores, killed the clutterbug, got work done was very polite & complimenting to Chris
put in good effort in class H.A.L.T. Resentment/Guilt, God grant me the serenity to Accept - accept everything tomorrow
for what it is. The courage to change - my actions my approach the things I can, and the wisdom when (to know the diff.) between adaptation or fight.
2/13/12 TUES 1:45
colder than a witches titty
Jeremy Lin 38 its against Lakers - "doesn't care how long this lasts"
Jude &I butt heads, I encounter former refs of yesteryear kitty inside all evening feeling remorseful
the day is filled with excitement for meeting girls
having a kid, pregnancy, where to raise my kids
sound as a pound, digesting well, craving less food
forgiveness, turning a cheek
made jude dinner & lunch for tomorrow, stamped dads & went out to lunch w/ dad, offers to pay, the best I can do
held doors, taught a child & encouraged a child to make his first hoop
gold 10 K piece (hoc), dump metal stay on target w/ quizzes - reviewing, terminology
2/14/12 TUES 11:00 p.m.
balmy, moist & cloudy, brisk
Lin scores 3-pt. game winning basket & sets NBA record for most pts. in first 5 games since Merger
Rob is working out. I was short w/ my mom - I'm not perfect. Chris & I connect over the cat, Dad & I connected over
Lin - as a high profile, NBA player with an Asian background drawing the world's attention, about meeting girls, researching, studying, improving my A&P grade
my insecurity & negative self image, self esteem, & engaged & married women, attached women - what do I go about doing with them
sound, good stamina
about punch fouls and how they should be handled - intentional foul is an intentional foul - encourage coach - it would behoove you to talk w/ your player - what to do about malicious intent
Junesca's reaction to the Gert& cannot explain why - numb, full of fear, at a certain point very excited - I've gotta watch it - I'm so self-aware that it can be daunting - I've gotta realize I'm not the pink elephant in the room.
2/17/12 Friday 3:10
balmy
Carter, NY Mets catcher obit
I offered to help Tracy Pio's husband.
My participation in Mt. Pocono
too little time to study for Lecture Exam #1
tired, exhausted, dreading waking up
I regret not learning how to 12 step in the ARD program - not getting it through my thick skull
Andy's "pound" Dr. Zhivago, looking back @ election 2004. Learning not to look back - That holding onto checks is a good idea if you don't need to cash them
offered food & support & advice & humor to my family- I tried to cheer them up
take a break & get some rest after class
2/18/12 SAT 4:01 p.m.
luke springy
Whitney Houston’s funeral
Retraction of Mr. Pio’s so-called arrest in Pocono Record. Jude cleaning Dad putting 2012 Annual Report together
Meeting a wider cross section of people this fall, saving money for rent and expenses, building a future
Money, debt fears starting already & we’re still in winter – mentally & psychologically quitting occurring, tense, loneliness (projected) fear of failure
Sound very healthy eating better
I become grumpy for no apparent reason. If I don’t want to talk (explanation – depersonalization I won’t dignify someone with an answer
Clean bed, chores completed, activities golf/tennis, Susie Derkins
Offered tea, apologized & complimented Jude, joiked with Dad, gave the responsibility for Pohoqualine Central to decide N’s fate
Go through all notebook material & video to be prepared for Monday review
2/10/12 SUN 3:15 a.m.
N/A
N/A
N/A
Family
Jess recovering, what to do about Susie Derkins
Good, fatigued at times, mentally sound
I have no grandmother or grandfathers – I want to be old enough for my grandchildren to ask my advice – In Her Shoes “your moral code” – Toni Collette
Business as usual
Be able to say I loked everything over at least once
I looked at my calendar that extends through August – I got a sense of planning that I never had before. I am wary about the future thinking, is this the right place – but I should be asking this question to myself within – is this the right place within myself that I want to reside
Mayube I’ll tryout for a Philadelphia waffle ball leaguq or start one for Won Institute – I’ve gotta take a vow when I get a job to practice chigong immortal exercises for twenty years – because they are the critical years of cultivation for an American man. Then break, poise myself for a year to four years & by the fifth be prepared for long-term longevity
-I’ve gotta start in bed.
3/2/12 MON 12:30
Cool
Nancy and Jude to brunch Panera for lunch, salmon & catfish for supper movies all day family stone incl.
Getting test over with & cashing in scrap metal
Thoroughness of preparation: duration of time left to study
Sound
I am moer stressed than usual it is leading to starnage behavior. I put No substance to my review
Panera, Susie Derkins, dinner w/ family, brownies, fresh air buring sprout sprouter & sprout container
Inspiration for dad shopped as diligently as poss. For Jude
Make it count – review like a presentation.
3/12/12 Tues 3:30 a.m.
Freezing
PSU girls win, Mavs win, LA is late game favored
Dad, Chris, Jude and I collated the 2012 Annual report, Susie Derkins was spayed & is convalescing, I studied
Having a lover, potential, meditating
Adequate scores in A&P
Sound
I’m too sarcastic, I need to develop a more efficient way to study
Goodbye Blackbird Marion Cottiliar
Dishes, laundry, chores, report
A&B, C&D the Cell, start w/’ a, read and retain, recall from D to A best you can short order short order 1/ 2/ 3/ 25
2/21/12 TUES 9:e45
Cold, rain in air
Fastnacht day before Lent
Susie convalescing, chris made
Getting some sleep, day off, scrap metal, tax check, whole foods inc. women and dating, study acupuncture, looking forward to a good grade
Poor result on Lecture exam
Average
I still hae fear, anxiety and distaste for people I feel uncomfortable in a crowd
Ice cream, Junesca, working out hard
Kissed Jude, polite to Dad, nice to Susie
Scrap metal to APS recycling, Labwork Thursday, read next chapter thoroughly, print slides if necessary
2/22/12 WED 8:00 P.M.
Rain in the air
49 perish in Buenos Aires
Dad walks hill, Chris works out, Jude brings home perogies
Sleeping – resting
Tomorrow preparation
Tired and weak, dumb
I overdid it
Metal, apt. from Laura I am grateful for
Apologized to Aunt Barb
Accept and learn to lose the disdain for people
3/23/12 Thurs 11:40 p.m.
Springy
Mitt Romney
Jude presented Nook & Gene “” the Dancer
Respecting women like I respect men
Rushing into a relationship too soon, my sarcastic attitude toward Jude – you must apologize gotta let it flow, let it blossom let it grow
Groovy, in shape, getting in even better shape
Appreciate hard work, and I hope family friends and lovers can appreciate the hard work that I put in for them – it’s a gift to be appreciated
Metal, Susie Derkins, Dad, Chris workin’ out
Complimented Dad
Just leave Chris alone for a day & listen to him, don’t speak & let him ask the questions
3/25/12 SAT 1:00 am.
Windy – severe wind
Koran burnings cause 2 soldiers deaths provoke Newt to take a stand
USMC & US Army (Junesca) seem ready for redeployment, Jude and I talk, and she gets upset that I don’t bring the phone to her
Freedom of the weekend
Resentments forming
Sound, fit, over indigestion
Little about J. Edgar & Palmer
Carmen, apologizing, expressing my feelings to Jude, cat and golf ball, talk with rob, positive thoughts
Offered tea – didn’t impose on Chris – he responded positively – I mujst continue not to press him & I think he’ll flourish
I’ve gotta talk to him & apologize – even if he shies away. Money to bank if up early enough. Budget now until August 18.
I had a premonition that I needed to write extemporaneously about my feeling of my so called – it is that fear that can’t be named, that feeling of helplessness & weakness & impending death that has no merit & is beyond control
3/26/12 SUN 12:30 a.m.
Windy, flurries, high winds
Nothing to report
Jude & Dad lv. For Penn St
Chris made Turkey Meatloaf, I ran errands
Company of women
Young people in Glenside – will there be enough
Overweight & sharp
Bones & foramen & fossa
Susie Derkins, Chris’s charity, my plan is working out fine
Called Robbie Robot
Bones, intensive, hobby – fly tying
Below freezing
Oscars tonight, surprise winner Octavia in the Help
Jude’s birthday, Chris & I watched the awards, fiddled w/ Kitty
Feeling good & healthy & the future – what the future holds
Always w/ details of how I’ll make a living while I’m working
Sound, sharp mentally
I’m far lonelier & unsure of myself w/out my parents around, my attitude changes completely
Susie Derkins waking me up, golfing, a walk- a perambulation, woodpecker, Jude getting card
Jude getting card for Crossings, listened to Chris & didn’t criticize or press him
Look over second part of bones, clean a tad, stay busy, look over lists & try, after majority of bones material is covered to finish completing them.
2/28/12 TUES Midnight
Balmy
4 shot by gunman @ Cleveland , OH
Jude & Dad back fr. Penn State
Trains, scrap metal, brkfst, class, working this spring, tax refund
Passing Human A&P, the test Friday
Sound
I unlearned something today
t-shirts, sun, Susie Derkins, Internet
tea, coffee
Dollar General, minimal metal collection bone lookover, check PNC account, pine needles, walk stream
2/27/12 WED Midnight
Freezing temp & dry
1 child dead in school shooting massacre & major violence in Syria
Aunt Jill sick, Susie goes outdoors for first time since surgery
Taking vows of meditation
Resentments & anger
Productive, rested, overworked
Reason for delay in healing after scab tore off
Junesca, kitty, sunshine, my grade, research, thinking about tomorrow
Tea & coffee, perogies offered, thank yous, sent an email to parents
Number to parents of Dr. Helfst schedule – Aug. 3 from July 28th, Lab for 2 Hrs. to look over bones
2/28/12 Thurs 2:30
Cold
Anger (asserted myself) & she took it as disrespectful – I woke up wanting to apologize for the effect it had on her
Jude talking highly of me – proof that I am having success
Dad and mom’s negative effect – always wanting success in a material sense, charity taken overboard, chronic fatigue syndrome, condescending to Chris
Sound
I can assert myself & feel good about it, but I can do so in a more pleasant manner
Tea and coffee w/ Jude – waking up to her voice, Susie Derkins, strides in looking over bones
I tried not to press Chris, I want him to flourish & this is the only way how
Bone study – don’t go overboard & go to bed earlier – 10 or earlier
3/1/12 FRI 12:10 a.m.
Chilly
Slow news day
Jude shows me Sara’s birthday card South Florida bag came today, Dad researching, Chris did this thing
After the test getting some supplies to last the spring & summer
The Practical tomorrow
Constipated, focused mentally prepared
To try and visualize is best method for Labs in future
Carmen, Junesca, Susie, Dad Jude, Chris
Chores, did not press Chris in hope that he will flourish
Practice test & visualization exercises, supplies, pine needles, extra rake & shed, walk the stream, go to a metting
3/3/12 SAT 12:10 A.M.
PV girls basketball qualify for State Championship
Dad & I taking Coop Ext. Gardening course
Sleeping
Passing A&P working, moving, loneliness, emotions, stress in the future, no friends, meeting people, tiredness, getting up and facing tomorrow
Nauseous
I have ambition and personal goals
Richard A.A., test results, prospect of money for hard work junking
Coffee/ tea, kiss, pat on back, sense of humor, smile and nod, gesticulation
Get some rest
3/4/2012 SUN 1:30
Chilly
Nada
Dinner @ Carraba’s
Women
Stamina, leaving someone unfulfilled
Can’t complain
I have little sympathy but I have compassion
Sun
Coffee/tea, jokes
Review Chapt. 6 & preview next lab
3/5/12 MON 1:00 a.m.
Just above freezing
Sanjay Gupta reports on male infertility
Jude drug-stored, joined Pandora w/ my help, Dad worked on weed wackers, turned off water, Chris made Turkey
Qi gong exercises, making some money w/ scrap metal
Driving to Glenside , PA
Overweight fatigued & bad skin, constipated
Righteousness (I thought it was) – but its vanity
Completing A&P fill in the blanks, golf and tennis, Susie Derkins, baths
Swept, hug and kissed, didn’t press, laundry, chores, etc.
Wheelbarrow scrap metal, look over lab, go to AA meeting
3/5/12 TUES 1:00 a.m.
Colder
Gearing up for March Madness
Meeting tonight ended with argument about public transportation
Women in Philadelphia
Transportation
Great
You just can’t win with parents
Money, hard work, acknowledgement Ashley’s sending out save the date magnets
Greetings, salutations, compliments encouraged
Inventory of apartment furniture & etc. Freecycle
“It always ends up costing more” They will always encourage the easy way out – so that, etc.
I feel like they are conspiring against me – routing for me to fail because I, Jess, & Chrs is all that they care for anymore.
When I feel like there is no way I would be able to have children in this country – that it would have to be a place that has many amenities, most notably, herbal medicines like ephedra, gotu kola & ayahuasca, Zoloft, acupuncture, Chinese medicine, surgeons (skilled), perhaps I’m not listening – I am not accepting what they hae to say. I am defiant & rebellious by nature – it’s my disease speaking. I must absolutely must live a structured reasonable & more importantly, be reasonable to myself & others - & realistic.
It may be prudent. How do they expect me to pay for the lease on a car while paying $16,000 a year for Won Institute & $6,000 a year for rent.
If I do 40 games/yaer & collect $1,000 recycling that’ll cover $2,000.
3/7/12 WED 1:00 .m.
Very cold
Greg Williams, def. coord. Of New Orleans Saints will incur penalty for Bountying
w/ Chris & Dad to Grocery store, Judy coming tomorrow
scrapping, walking the stream, Chinese economy & investing
insider trading, my weight, the money I’ve invested, whether I’m spending too freely
sound & looking forward to restful sleep until dawn – but constipated
I lust for beautiful women & objectify women utterly and completely – that if I cease to drool over women and treat them as I do men I’ll get somewhere
Tea, free time, reflection time, good health
Offered tea, knowledge, wisdom, love to the kitten
Fulfill goals & don’t get stressed, take life as it comes – used what you have learned & don’t fuck up like you have before – do not go for something that sets you up for failure
3/8/12 WED 11:10 p.m.
Crisp
Peyton Manning’s farewell to Indi
Dad delivered samples for Prosser
Women in Philly – Ayahuasca
Money
Overweight but sound
I may have misread Dr. Chang’s belly breathing – which has led to a fat belly – I mujst spend 15 minutes every day correcting my breathing style
Giving, agreeing to commitment, thinking about the metal @ the dump, get things accomplished
Gassed up for vehicles, bought gift for Dr. Ruschman
What it would take to grow 1,000 @ 20 a head, Reishi synthetic mushroom logs in an operation
I forgive Eric for his criticism of me & my play. I wish the best for him & that his life will improve. I will choose to rise above it. I also am sorry I called my old boss Charlie a son of a bitch. I am sorry for the insult. I was under his training & he did put me to work. It was I who had a problem with him, not vice versa. He did his best, he tried, that’s all you can ask of anyone.
3/9/12 FRI 11:30
Freezing
Election turnout (voter) for Repub. Primary lower than 2000 & 2008
Dad brought back Fisher “taxoderm” my picture went viral, I was put on waiting list @ Won Institute, Chris got Pizza & Chinese from Mt. Effort
The window opening
Staying focused & positive
Sound
People’s natural inclination is to hold onto resentments. “Letting go” resentments may be suppressed & resurface
The goldmine of metal @ the shed
Warmed Dad’s tea, carried in groceries, petted kitty
Slow down & live moment to moment, day to day & accept all that happens
Commitment to coffee Sunday night @ Albrightsville. Go @ 5:45 & bring some of your own beans, cook w/ grapeseed oil, breathing, etc.
3/10/12 SUN 3:00 a.m.
Cold 30 for 30 the Real Rocky
Dad & I scrapped Barn Metal, Jude tutored, I spent midday @ A.P.S. Reycling & sported after that we met for a 10 step
The potential for Eastern – acceptance & residence there & women
Fatigue, too much work indoors, stress, pressure
Very good, emotionally running gamut, in OK spirits
I don’t like argumentative volatile people
The response from my parents
Thank you
Focus on what I can do to make myself happy & distance myself from the negative persuasive influences – evil, negative forces to nothing but bad
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