Book of Deeds Vol. 203

5/20/11 FRI 10 p.m.
thunderstorms
Macho-Man Randy Savage died of a heart attack while driving
Jill returned to Natrona Hts. back to grind. Stocking Day 2
American Education Services-hatred
adequate GRE scores studying for her
constipated & mindful
glasses, coat were returned (that I was ready to give up my license)
working with dad & Chris stocking gifting Chris w/ Regal Cinemas tickets
same
Essay - sign up for class Monday morning, sign up for GRE's

Seeing that I will most likely 86 my college loan payments this fall whilst beginning the Nutrition Program - what of saving & doing a part-time gig - I wanna get an impression if there is a future in this - I want to be a Chinese herbalist & acupuncturist - put it to your teachers, to the head of the Nutrition Department - is there a future in it - longevity lecturer - herbalist expert - discounted herb gatherer - horticulture

5/23/11 Monday 12:05 p.m.
cool, crisp
edible flowers blooming - mustard, Indian-pipe look alike, morel
Adventures to the Ancients, Chris doesn't attend
paying off debts, Nutrition class, applying & mailing package, blogging, velocipede project taking shape
job security, having to work a job I don't like
sharp & healthy, eager
cyanic acid, corydales - flower, inumerable plant identifications
plant identification, mailing checks
payed a compliment to Maryann Riola (in my mind)
work on gratitude journal, art, & letters to fill time, let dishes run but continue with other chores

I feel enraged about finances - It is baffling that I'm not at a stage that my debts are paid - 7 years & nearly 12,000 - & that much was spent on my rehab - perhaps that's how much I could have squandered because of my negligence - my hypochondria, my hunger for drugs - I'm grateful to be in a position where I am at 0 - I haven't been there for a long time - at least 10 years - I was working 25 hrs. a week at 8/hr. for a whole year & pissed it all away - no regrets to the charity and travel experiences - what of the mismanagement of money - I continue to blame medical and loan companies, colleges and employers & the older generations.
What I'm grateful for is that I am poised to finish paying off those debts by the end of the year - then it is a tough decision to make- do I want to compromise work @ a job I probably won't like & be at 0$ @$0 can you imagine? What will it feel like to start giving back instead of making money toward something?

5/23 Monday 2:30
drizzly
Obama visits Ireland
stocking day, May
making money, paying off debt, learning, & Rimbaud, my future adventures
GREs
fatigued, sore knees, ankle, sharp mentally
patience
afternoon nap, subway lunch
happiness activities later
think of what you would say in an application essay - letter of introduction because that's what they'll look for - what is the format for a letter of introduction?

I will to the best of my ability review trophology in TOHSHAL to get my nutritional juices flower. Brainstorm for an explanation of why nutrition and wellness has been my life's work, that explain helping others is something I was born to do. Am I making money toward something. Once out of debt, do I put money aside for a future (property perhaps & a small (ecohouse), do I take a part time job, take a girlfriend, a wife? do I save toward a heating trip or a career move trip?
What do I do with disposable income? 401K IRA etc., savings, cd.

5/24/11 WED 12:20
humid
Baghdad 5, Dylan turns 70
stocking day AlAnon
meeting, Chris to grocery store for steaks & corn
Happiness activities, improving GRE score
unknown words in vocab.
stomach uneasy, of sound mind
how to accept & assess the sitch
knowing that I was eloquent last night
gave brotherly advice
Albrightsville Grp, ironing GRE study - practice test

Nothin' to report, positive signs and optimistic to be debt free by year's end. B-day ideas to be shopped for Jess/Chris -

5/26/11 Thurs. 10:00 T-storms
dunno, don't read paper
fiasco @ pharmacy, laid gravel, lunch @ club rare treat, sneezed a lot
the future, making money
the cost of college education
sneezy but sharp
T-rex hunter from the Lost World: JP died, allegedly of AIDS virus
lunch @ club way Brian/Pam invited us in
thought about B-day gifts for sibs

Essential oils perhaps - for Jess
Netflix upgrade?
Gascard - shell? Movie Tickets & such from Regal (2) - for summer blockbusters
Request a summary of payments to & interest accrued through usury

Dear American Education Services representative - I request a read out of all transactions made with you in the past 8 years. I also am curious to know the interest accrued by this so-called low interest loan & of the interest accrued monthly yearly

Yours,
Bradley John Hartzler

The flowers - for next spring/next garden - things like the crysanthemum, asters, morning glory, the dogwood & lotuses how little did I know about the flower garden? huh? chrysanthemum moriflolium, aster tataricus, pharbitis nil & nelumbo nucifera
gardenia (gardenia jasminoides), tree & Chinese Peony (paeonia moutan & lactiflora, dandelion (Taraxacum officinale), Chinese violet & Chinese Anemone (viola yedoensis & pulsatilla chinensis clematis vine (clematis chinensis) colts foot (tussilago farfara)

Book of Deeds Vol. 202

6/5/11 Sunday 10:38 a.m.
cloudy, cool
Nadal vs. Federer (#?)
off today, J & J in Jamaica still, Chris sleepin in, start of brush cutting tomorrow
making money paying bills, getting back to proverbial "O" & then even further, resolving wanderlust issue
parents expectations for a career, having a direction
stuffed up & groggy, disoriented
I've gotta come up with innovative ideas & longevity methods have gotta start sometime
day off
come up with b-day idea for dad - ancestry can + sequouia starter kit w/ ironical card (sequouia - age)
tonight ask Ed to be temp. sponsor - & ask if you can join group, talk about wanderlust issue w/ Heather

I must speak about how enthused I felt about Dad's talk tonight. I love Judith, she brought me in this world, yet she is a spendaholic and waste at times. I feel as though sometimes she is oblivious to what she is spending & frankly has used "having children" as a crutch to live in the lap of luxury. small gifts & little trinkets here and there do not compare to bold gestures - grand gestures of giving Where would we be had we been responsible?

5/27/11 Fri 9:45
humid
who knows
walkway finished, Jude at gathering at Jen. Kunz
women
GREs scores, responsibility, reaction
stuffed up, bored
boredom
finishing walkway, logging hours getting closer to my goal of paying debts
thought of gift ideas
Reeders meeting, GRE practice, mail registration form/application, mow lawn, ironing, gratitude letters.

Gratitude List:
1. I'm grateful my parents could shell out money for me to go to rehab, support me with meals, with bills payments housing, with encouragement.
2. I'm grateful that I'm in a good position financially & poised to pay off my college loan payments
3. I'm grateful I've chosen a career path & have some direction & clear direction in mind TCM practitioner, healer with medicinal plants, itinerant worker & herb gatherer, discount herbalist, books on herbalism I must study.
4. I'm grateful that I'm in a good position financially & poised to pay off my college loan payments.
5. I'm grateful I don't have to pay rent
6. I'm grateful to have a tolerant & forgiving family

6/13/11 12:50 Monday
foggy
Dallas Mavs win NBA title for first time
Uncle Tim & Joshua see Nascar @ Pocono Raceway
paying off debts collecting my check, buying some much needed medicine
spematocele - direction, paying off college tuition, disappointing my parents
sound, feel overweight, mentally sharp
laziness is worthless and I've not gotta but in order to stay healthy should push myself to keep active w/ kalisthenic if necessary
knowing Tim had a good time, rain, Dad stickin up for himself, prospect of paycheck
nothing
CVS going in, check in @ NCC & get info from Acupuncture Asian Institute what is required - had they not taken the avenue of medicine before Eastern techniques - where should I start? Who should I pay to train me?

6/20 Monday 12 midnight
cool
Roy McIlroy, 22, US OPEN Golf Champion
Jude in Stone Harbor, NJ, us out to Ruby Tuesday for Father's day
experimenting with new sptrhea herbal medicine, researching green jobs
future prospects, confusing my parents
stuffed up but intuitive & sharp
a waiter wants overweight people to serve $$, origami
making origami card for dad
origami card for dad
origami card
freecycle.org to get rid of books - or exchange if possible - w/ listing of all books, take inventory of all goods owned, order after checking investment
idealistic, young - is it unrealistic & delusional? What have I worked for these past 7 years & what have I got to show for it - the comfort in knowing I've paid a debt? I could express outrage at the price of board elsewhere, away from home
What is the (  ) for someone with requisite nutritional food knowledge.

5/13/11 Thu 1:00 a.m.
night partly cloudy
Pirates over .500 for first time in 7 years
4th grade kickball champions Mrs. Hartzler's class, Jess's trip to Grocery for Graduation banquet
Graduation & Banquet
Tomorrow - talking with Rob in Mt. Pocono
sneaking off to a meeting Friday and Saturday
well, asterisk * nasal
nothing to speak up in meetings
Sarah's speech of finding her spiritual awakening in gutter
chores
Ayahuasca journals, moon garden
Look @ apartments, jobs, houses, begin to look into the future with practical realizations, announcing where I'm from as Poconos - it means stream between two mountains
(the p.s. at the bottom of the journal is "the old days are here and now")

My mind always wanders back to fond times with typewriter, god I wish I had one laptop style/journal style, roladex style, that I could type on Nutrition & Velocipede Bike Blog will be a good outlet - right now I have 12 or so different herbaceous plants growing which I can experiment with - I'll have to find out their uses - scratch that - I do have Daniel Reid's book as a resource - For Burdock - seeds, sometimes root - further research required
Chinese Milk Thistle - roots, possibly whole plant
Astragalus - roots

Book of Deeds Vol. 201

6/31/11 FRI 11:00 p.m.

crisp, cool
John Edwards indicted for using campaign funds to hide his mistress, pleads not-guilty, miffed @ judge
Jude and Jess in Jamaica, Dan invited us to Baltimore, mowed grass today (Chris & I), pool is filled
my future, women, money, meditation vows to be taken

Chris - my brother gaining weight, my dad overworking himself, if I'll have enough work pay to finally pay off loans, my parents expecting
sound
I have an anger problem
Federer winning French open semi
complimented dad on his dinner, thanked Chris for picking up groceries & coffee, sayin' he did good
none, just be

I don't know which direction my life (I am headed), but all I can see is a pessimistic future of solitude boredom, & loneliness, I imagine a tour of Europe, bummin' around & such, but with no objective or aim, I have an interest in medicine, TCM, & in many ways I'm experimenting & my body is an ongoing experiment. How long can I continue to ignore SPRMREA symptom & the varicocele? Will meditative practices or herbal supplement cure the SPTRE? Many questions tonight that I cannot answer myself - perhaps I can go to a confidante or even my parents but it will take time to deliberate, to think about this.

5/30/11 MON 10:00 p.m.
humid, muggy
Jim Tressel resigns from OSU
celebrated Chris B-day with kabobs & went out for ice cream, tomorrow's Cabelas - Chris & Dad go, Jude leaves WED for Balmore
Jude leaving, not as much pressure on myself, women, wanderlust
getting carried away, negative influence of my brother, gullibility more than anything - I'm really losing my manners
sharp and fit
I am very gullible, easily swayed, & I've gotta live from without, no-mind, rather than be pulled in.
ice-cream @ Hilltop, kabobs prospect of gifts & paying off debts.
complimented on nice meal
singles opportunities, ironing, gratitude letters to Jim's side of fam, mail your graduate application in to Marywood, think about p/t money raising opportunities
what the career possibility & probability is for nutrition

Grateful to be @ the point in time
grateful to be sober
grateful to have support
grateful to have saved money
grateful to be alive

5/4/11 Saturday 5:15 p.m.
cloudy, rainy/drizzly, cool
Li Na first Chinese woman to win a Tennis Grand Slam
Jess/Jude in Jamaica, Chris and I mowed lawn @ garden, Chris/Dad argued & we discussed procrastination, eating out of boredom, my concern
making money to pay off debts, the speaker meeting tonight
not having enough, breaking my rules of investment.
tired & out of touch a tad
be able to put faith in others - trust
talking with my dad about concerns I had over his weight
collecting chairs @ AA meeting thanking Chris for help
Perhaps I'm not looking at the right opportunity - that Honesdale Wellness Center may be a better training - look into & meet a representative there

What can I do with TCM - business obviously is the first notion - a licensed nutritionist & herbalist - but what's the best way - businessman - do I need business school to get a business sense? What would fatty America find interesting about alternative medicine? are there opportunities for alternative medicine in the healthcare industry?
google gadget ideas - important
any other accessible "aps"

5/29/11 Sunday 5:00 p.m.
humid p/c
who knows
Chris helped with garden lawn, Jude/Chris napping
Peru - maybe getting residence there, women, relationships, fulfilling sex life, getting healthy again, meditating, saving money/fat bank acct, p/t job
fear of failure, venturing out, my parent's dissapproval
stuffy but fit & sharp minded, light
miscommunication & harboring resentments
day off, new shoes
thought of gift ideas, thought about gratitude letters
GREs prep, ironing, hours, @ Reeder's women's meeting, who's hiring in the Poconos, how to find single women when the year is through, planning & making lists - Riding Pocono Pony Wednesday.

Grateful I'm payin' off debts, saving money
Grateful I'm thinking of others - I'm charitous - even moreso than when I was using, so that good quality, knowing it's mere irreguardless of usijng, is nice to know, substances accelerated and oversentimentalized my giving habits
Grateful I have clean water, nice clothes, adequate food, proper shelter & cool temperatures, friends, helpful friends & sober friends
Grateful for a new attitude
Grateful to be sober, to not have to worry about hangovers, headaches, sickness
grateful to have supportive parents
grateful to be alive & have a future

I need to discuss what is in the back of my mind - this force, pulling me toward a different set of circumstances & newfound freedom and liberty & adventure - it must be discussed 6/6/11. It's a pressing issue of great concern - debt complex" I know she is of the same mentality - I would like to test the waters in grad school, but in the long run wouldn't it be prudent to raise the funds I need to go? To put off & save for a year & go slowly? I don't wanna rush in, proceed with caution - What course of action should I take?