"The Ephemeral Bard": Promise to Update

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Thursday, April 9, 2009

Children's Stories

A Very Dairy Story
Cinders, the cat
Searching for the Cave: Trench Tales
Wildlife Essay on the California Condor
I Was a Civil War Soldier
The Strait of Djbouti
The Problem Ghost
The Old Man
Searching for the Cave

Author's Introduction

Name: Bradley Hartzler
Nationality: White
Place of Birth: Dec. 31, 1980
Education: Pleasant Valley School District; Elizabethtown College (1999-2001); Pennsylvania State University (2001-2003) Began with a 3.88 Cumulative GPA, ended with Cumulative GPA around 3.0; Bachelor of Arts Degree in English Literature; will not be attending graduate school bah!
Married: No
Children: not for a long time
Summary of Principle Occupations and/or jobs: Electrofisher and general aquatic stream laborer; patroller; flea marketer; groundskeeper, lawn and landscape manager at Delaware Water Gap Country Club; Produce Department worker; tutor and editor for innumerable students; library aid (for one day); telemarketer (for one day); deli register (for one day); birth announcemenr, obituary, wedding and anniversary announcer for The Pocono Record, installer of septic systems and dredging pipelines, register at an organic foods store; poet

Interests:
Sports: Played everything but skull and squash - promised to play in squash tournament one morning, forgot in midst of trying to make love to a girl.
Specialty: beautiful girls (Bradley's Christian meaning "abundant provider"
Please give a brief resume of your life:
Had an Edenic childhood, my father a stream consultant and biologist in McMichaels, PA and sole reason for my residence there, he in charge of a stream revitilization project for a private fishing club; explored McMichael's Creek, which ran by house, swam in clean-cold stream, fished extensively; educated decently at Chestnut Hill Elementary School, one year in Effort United Methodist Church modular (marking a period of haunting dreams, migraine headaches, and an overwhelming fear of my own parent's death) a brief interlude finished college prep in Pleasant Valley School District; Kindergarten - rode bus with 14 girls; when asked which one I would marry (at 6 years old), I replied "All of them." When told I couldn't marry all of them, I said, "Well, then I'll marry them one at a time;" prompted by fourth grade and all-time favorite teacher Mrs. Frey to write a "Proud to be an American" essay for a county-wide contest - won competition and savings bond for; got second runner-up in a 5th grade Wildlife Essay Contest on the California Condor; forced to submit 6th grade science essay, wrote on endangered Harp Seals, winning area contest, the county, but not four-county area - blast!
Inspired by Jean Craighead George outdoors novel at age 10 and decided it was something for me and consequently formed my fascination with wooded areas; read thoroughly until age 11, when forced to divide my attention between literary efforts and sports and eyeing girls - (first kiss at 1 year-old! Second kiss - 2nd grade!) fell in love with girl Steph at age 11; My other love, sports; was a rampant multi-sport athlete and brat (brats make the best soccer players, not the best teammates); juggled club soccer and youth league soccer during summertime and fall, basketball and baseball the rest of the year.
Began, with the help of four friends, a Writing Club, outside of the classroom, wrote cooperatively about exploring deep sea trenches in one long adventure; spent most of time after school walking through woods and over streams and causing mischief. Remained pensive introspective child, hit psychotic break at age 15, became suicidal no apparent reason, hatched unfollowedthroughwith silly plan to kick the bucket by the end of high school
One sister, Jessica, a psychology Masters and